self care during covid Archives - Melissa A. Frey, LCSW

When You Don’t Know What You’re Feeling

Posted on February 22, 2026

When You Don’t Know What You’re Feeling

There are seasons when emotions are loud and obvious. And then there are seasons when everything feels… unclear.

You’re not in crisis.
You’re not thriving either.
You’re functioning. But something feels slightly off.

You might notice:

Irritability without a clear cause
Low motivation
Trouble focusing
A sense of restlessness
Or just a vague heaviness

When feelings aren’t dramatic, we often dismiss them. We tell ourselves we’re “fine.” We push through. We assume clarity will come later.

But emotional fog is still information.

Not All Distress Is Urgent

We tend to think emotions have to be intense to be valid. But subtle misalignment can be just as important as acute pain.

Sometimes you’re not overwhelmed.
You’re under-supported.

Sometimes you’re not anxious.
You’re overextended.

Sometimes you’re not unmotivated.
You’re tired in a way sleep doesn’t fix.

Naming the right thing matters.

Try This Instead of “What’s Wrong With Me?”

When something feels off, the instinct is often self-criticism.

Instead, try asking:

What has my nervous system been carrying lately?
What feels unfinished?
Where am I overcompensating?
What would make this week 5% easier?

You don’t need a full emotional breakthrough.
You just need enough awareness to adjust slightly.

Small Adjustments Count

When you don’t know what you’re feeling, focus on regulation over resolution.

Simplify one commitment
Go to bed earlier twice this week
Take one walk without multitasking
Say no once
Ask for help in one small way

Clarity often follows steadiness.

A Gentle Reminder

You don’t have to wait for full exhaustion to justify slowing down.

If something feels off, that’s enough to pay attention.

You are allowed to respond to subtle signals, not just emergencies.

Sometimes growth looks like catching yourself earlier than in past moments.

frey & associates: Offering virtual mental health therapy and counseling across Illinois. Specializing in anxiety, depression, couples counseling, and relationship and health-focused therapy. Virtual therapy offers convenient, accessible mental health support from the comfort of your own space. Our approach is engaging, active, and solution-focused to help clients build lasting change and emotional well-being. Learn more here; book a free consult today.

mindful moment

Posted on April 16, 2025

Spring is a gentle reminder that no matter how long the winter, everything eventually always blooms with the light.

Spring arrives not just in the blossoms on trees or the warmth in the breeze, but in the quiet courage it takes to begin again. After every season of stillness, nature shows us how to rise—gently, boldly, and in full color. Let this be the season you stretch toward the sun, plant new dreams, and believe in your own blooming.

melissa: meditation and anxiety apps

Posted on August 23, 2023

We often get questions about options for apps that can assist in mindfulness, meditation, and overall anxiety management. To save our clients the leg work, we have a list of resources on this page of our website. I particularly like the app Simple Habit, which has a free version and also an option that allows you to pick a specific stressor or goal paired with a targeted guided meditation. I also like the app Down Dog for free yoga instruction, which can be targeted for the level of yoga and duration of time you’d like to use it for.

With so many options for apps, it can be easy to overlook that there are also a lot of options for mental health and wellness podcasts to listen to as well. We list podcasts this page of our website as well, and there are plenty more that are released and up and coming that can be found, for example, here and here. Lastly, there are additional app reviews and options here and here, should you want to read more! The possibilities are endless- happy listening!

melissa: seasonal symptoms

Posted on October 26, 2022October 26, 2022

“Spring passes and one remembers one’s innocence. Summer passes and one remembers one’s exuberance. Autumn passes and one remembers one’s reverence. Winter passes and one remembers one’s perseverance.” -Yoko Ono

As the weather cools down, many people begin to experience changes in their mental health. While some people embrace the cold, soon to be snowy days, others find themselves feeling more down and generally less energetic and motivated.

No matter what camp you find yourself in, the long winter days can be hard for us all and fall is the time to prepare for the upcoming seasonal changes. One place to start is by beginning to develop your winter routine: scheduled movement, a standing sleep/wake cycle, and sun exposure (whenever possible). Talking with your therapist, family, and friends can also help keep you anchored in managing these changes and to maintain a self care plan. Know that countless people find seasonal changes to be challenging for a variety of reasons and that there are always ways to develop a plan that works specifically for you.

Want a better understanding of how seasonal changes impact our mental health and ideas for coping? You can read more here, here and here.

mindful moment

Posted on October 7, 2022

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting — over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

-Mary Oliver

melissa: autumn changes

Posted on September 22, 2022

If you’re like many others, fall often feels like a time of change. The weather becomes cooler, and the days feel shorter. For some, this is a cozy time of reflection; for others, this is a time of an onset of mood symptoms. Whichever camp you are in (or perhaps both), part of embracing the change of seasons is embracing the inevitability of change. Taking care of ourselves can be a bit more challenging when it’s cooler and there are less sunny days. I encourage clients to find one or two simple joys in their daily activities and ensure they get to these joys as though they are on your “to do” list. Sometimes these joys shift as the seasons shift, so ensuring you still have a few “go to” joys is essential. Looking for some ideas? Here are 75 simple joy examples to help get you started.

Wanting to think through fall feels more? You can read more here.

Loving fall and want to know why? You can read more here.

“Is not this a true autumn day? Just the still melancholy that I love—that makes life and nature harmonize.” -George Eliot

mindful moment

Posted on July 17, 2022July 17, 2022

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.

– Mary Anne Radmacher

melissa: mindfulness exercise for painful emotions

Posted on July 7, 2022July 7, 2022

As we find ourselves during a particularly difficult time with filled many emotions, I’ve been reflecting on ways in which we can open ourselves up to strong/painful emotions in a structured way. There is a “Gentle Practice for Opening Up to Painful Emotions” that you can find here both recorded and written, depending on your preferred modality.

As the writer of the practice, Rhonda Magee, writes, “Take a moment to pause with all of the news coming at us, especially if you are someone who seeks to move in the direction of the suffering, to work, and to alleviate it, through actions and engagements in the world.”

Remember to seek out support from loved ones, family, and friends as we seek to process the emotions and events we are facing and have faced.

melissa: musing on resilience

Posted on June 15, 2022

Keep Going – Edgar Guest

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must—but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow—
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out—
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit—
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

mindful moment

Posted on June 2, 2022June 2, 2022

Dance, when you’re broken open.

Dance, if you’ve torn the bandage off.

Dance in the middle of the fighting.

Dance when you’re perfectly free.

…Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.

-Rumi

mindful moment

Posted on December 8, 2021

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.

– Albert Camus

mindful moment

Posted on September 23, 2021

Before I rise,

like a phoenix from the ashes

or a blossom from a barren winter branch,

I must learn to dance in the burning

of each golden falling leaf.

-Tianna

mindful moment

Posted on September 8, 2021September 8, 2021

Stop acting small.
You are the universe in ecstatic motion.
-Rumi

melissa: five minutes

Posted on August 18, 2021August 18, 2021

Once again, it seems we are finding ourselves surrounded by a LOT of news. Headlines are running through our day, day in and day out, and it’s not usually much news that brings us peace of mind. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the news and challenges that face us currently, it might be time to consider a sustainable self care plan.

Self care is a term that gets tossed around very lightly these days. But, really, it’s mostly about setting boundaries for yourself, which certainly isn’t just a trend, but rather, ideally, a way of life. I like to think about it in terms of five minute increments. What five minutes of your day are you looking forward to? Most people can manage five minutes of peace every day.

If you can keep up with five minutes, maybe you can consider increasing your number of peaceful moments to ten or fifteen minutes. Whatever your number is, start small, and increase that number as you are able to. Maybe five minutes is what you stick with all month, but at least then you’ve made a commitment to yourself to breathe, relax, and refresh. Of note, those five minutes don’t need to be fancy. You can drink a cup of coffee or tea, or walk outside and get some fresh air. I like to change up my five minutes (and sometimes longer!): a snack, a podcast, a true crime documentary (questionable?), a walk (when it’s not too hot, of course)- it all depends on the day. What’s on your list?

melissa: how to mindfully take a stroll

Posted on July 14, 2021July 14, 2021

If you’ve got ten minutes sometime, I highly recommend you consider taking a mindful walk. Typically when walking, or even driving, we wind up somewhere without much knowledge of how we got there. Or, perhaps there are a lot of wonderful things along the road or path that we may have missed. If you want to get step by step instructions, you can click here. Mindful walks, particularly in nature, can be very restorative and remind us of a sense of connection to the physical and natural world around us.

The general flow of a mindful walk is:

Movement- focus on your steps, the movement of your legs and arms, and feeling your feet on the ground

Sound- noticing the sound of animals, birds, cicadas, cars, people, buses, etc

Smell- noticing the smell of the earth or city around you

Vision- noticing what you see around you as trees move, wind blows leaves, the ground and its texture

Finish up by focusing once again on your movement and feeling your feet on the ground

More details and instructions are here: A Daily Mindful Walking Practice

Wishing you a peaceful walk

melissa: the tree

Posted on June 25, 2021June 25, 2021

I recently read a piece in the Wall Street Journal, Why a Tree Is the Friend We Need Right Now. Of all the articles, news, podcasts, and books, we all consume, this piece really hit home for me. Nature, particularly throughout the pandemic, has been a very grounding pillar of support for many of us. Nothing seems to embody and inspire the human spirit quite like a tree that has been standing for over a hundred years- despite, and sometimes because, all the changes around it.

I have a tree friend, myself. Well, a few, actually. But closest in proximity is the tree outside of my home office window. I’ve observed nests being built, birds hatching, an owl looking at me from the limbs (closest I’ve ever been to an owl, by the way), wind chimes quietly sounding in the wind, blossoms in spring, leaves falling as the weather gets cooler, and more species of birds than I ever knew we had in our yard in the first place. I even purchased a bird book, so I could look up what birds I observe in my tree friend. Inquiring minds want to know, after all.

I could talk about this topic endlessly. However, there’s a much more compelling argument for said tree friend in the article. All of this to say, if you don’t have a tree friend, it might be time to find one.

“The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

melissa: mindful walk meditation

Posted on June 10, 2021

I will be the gladdest thing
Under the sun!
I will touch a hundred flowers
And not pick one.

I will look at cliffs and clouds
With quiet eyes,
Watch the wind bow down the grass,
And the grass rise.

And when lights begin to show
Up from the town,
I will mark which must be mine,
And then start down!

Edna St. Vincent Millay

mindful moment

Posted on May 13, 2021May 13, 2021

Today

If ever there were a spring day so perfect,
so uplifted by a warm intermittent breeze

that it made you want to throw
open all the windows in the house

and unlatch the door to the canary’s cage,
indeed, rip the little door from its jamb,

a day when the cool brick paths
and the garden bursting with peonies

seemed so etched in sunlight
that you felt like taking

a hammer to the glass paperweight
on the living room end table,

releasing the inhabitants
from their snow-covered cottage

so they could walk out,
holding hands and squinting

into this larger dome of blue and white,
well, today is just that kind of day.

-Billy Collins

melissa: awareness

Posted on May 7, 2021

May is Mental Health Awareness month! Mental health awareness, at all times, but particularly during a pandemic, is for everyone. The overall prevalence rates of anxiety, mood changes (including depression), and substance abuse have gone up to a roughly 40% prevalence in the US population. Many researchers note that this is likely a very conservative estimation. We have yet to encounter a single person in any of our lives who hasn’t identified challenges with mood, motivation, anxiety, stress, drinking, and/or overall sense of wellness over the course of the past year.

More broadly than ‘disorders’ or ‘clinical need,’ mental health has appropriately taken on a new definition over the past few years. We now consider our mental health in the same way we consider our physical health, which, frankly, seems about time to those of us working in the field. Each and every human being has mental health considerations just by nature of being alive. In the exact same way we look at physical health, we now understand that mental health is just as important to assess and attend to regularly. Everyone has stress, struggles, challenges, and emotional needs.

Therapy, among with many other care strategies (exercise, meditation, connection, hobbies, etc) allows us to look at people as whole humans. If you are in our practice, you know how we feel about the importance of caring for the whole person and, often times, removing labels and looking at people simply as they are and where they want to go. If you are new to therapy, welcome- it’s a deeply rewarding way to learn about yourself, the world around you, and improve you overall sense of wellness.

Happy Mental Health Awareness Month to all. May you take this month to focus on your sense of wellbeing and identify ongoing ways to take care of you.

mindful moment

Posted on April 27, 2021April 27, 2021

dive for dreams

or a slogan may topple you

(trees are their roots

and wind is wind)

trust your heart

if the seas catch fire

(and live by love

though the stars walk backward)

honour the past

but welcome the future..

-ee cummings

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Tag: self care during covid

When You Don’t Know What You’re Feeling

When You Don’t Know What You’re Feeling

Not All Distress Is Urgent

Try This Instead of “What’s Wrong With Me?”

Small Adjustments Count

A Gentle Reminder

mindful moment

melissa: meditation and anxiety apps

melissa: seasonal symptoms

mindful moment

melissa: autumn changes

mindful moment

melissa: mindfulness exercise for painful emotions

melissa: musing on resilience

mindful moment

mindful moment

mindful moment

mindful moment

melissa: five minutes

melissa: how to mindfully take a stroll

melissa: the tree

melissa: mindful walk meditation

mindful moment

melissa: awareness

mindful moment