relationship therapy Archives - Melissa A. Frey, LCSW

How to Find Joy Again: Why Small “Glimmers” Matter

Posted on September 5, 2026September 5, 2026

How to Find Joy Again: Why Small “Glimmers” Matter

When life feels heavy, the suggestion to “focus on the positive” can feel irritating at best—and deeply invalidating at worst.

Sometimes things really are hard. You may be grieving, burned out, overwhelmed by uncertainty, managing a health issue, or simply trying to keep up with the demands of everyday life. Noticing something good does not make those difficulties disappear.

But even during genuinely difficult seasons, there may be brief moments when something feels a little softer. These moments are sometimes called glimmers.

What Are Glimmers?

Glimmers are small experiences that bring a momentary sense of comfort, connection, pleasure, or ease. The term was introduced by therapist and author Deb Dana in her work involving the nervous system and trauma.

A glimmer does not have to be an especially meaningful or transformative experience. It might be:

Hearing a song you love
Feeling your pet settle beside you
Stepping outside and noticing the weather has changed
Laughing unexpectedly
Taking the first sip of your morning coffee
Receiving a thoughtful message
Climbing into a freshly made bed
Realizing that, for one moment, nothing is being asked of you

Glimmers are not necessarily moments of happiness. Sometimes they are simply moments when you feel slightly more present, connected, interested, or at ease.

Glimmers Are Not Toxic Positivity

Looking for glimmers does not mean ignoring pain, minimizing stress, or insisting that everything happens for a reason.

You can appreciate a beautiful sunset and still be grieving. You can laugh with a friend and still be struggling with depression. You can enjoy ten peaceful minutes and still feel overwhelmed by the rest of your day.

Two things can be true at once: life can be difficult, and something within it can still feel good.

The purpose of noticing glimmers is not to replace uncomfortable emotions with positive ones. It is to make room for a fuller emotional experience—one that includes moments of comfort alongside everything else.

Why Can Small Moments Be Hard to Notice?

During periods of chronic stress, our attention naturally becomes focused on problems, responsibilities, and possible threats. We may move quickly from one task to the next without registering the quieter moments in between.

This is not a personal failure or evidence that you are “too negative.” It may simply mean that your mind and body have been working hard to protect you or keep you functioning.

It is also common to dismiss small positive experiences because they do not seem important enough:

It was only a cup of coffee.

It was just one good conversation.

I only felt better for a few minutes.

But a moment does not have to change your entire day to matter. Sometimes a few minutes of relief are simply a few minutes of relief—and that is worthwhile on its own.

How to Notice More Glimmers

You do not need to turn glimmers into another self-improvement project. In fact, putting pressure on yourself to feel grateful or joyful can make the practice feel artificial.

Instead, try occasionally asking:

Did anything feel comforting today?
Was there a moment when I felt more like myself?
Did anything make me smile, even briefly?
When did my body feel slightly less tense?
Did I feel connected to another person, an animal, a place, or an activity?
Was there anything I wanted to pause and enjoy for another few seconds?

You might also choose one glimmer and stay with it just a little longer. Listen to the rest of the song. Sit in the sunny spot for another minute. Notice how the warm mug feels in your hands. Let yourself enjoy the joke before returning to your responsibilities.

The goal is not to hold onto the experience forever. It is simply to notice that it happened.

When Joy Feels Inaccessible

There may be times when even small moments of pleasure feel difficult to access. Depression, anxiety, trauma, grief, burnout, and prolonged stress can all affect our ability to feel interested, connected, or hopeful.

If looking for glimmers feels impossible, you do not need to try harder or pretend. That difficulty may be meaningful information about how much you have been carrying.

Therapy can offer a place to talk honestly about what feels heavy without being rushed toward gratitude or positivity. Over time, it may also help you reconnect with the parts of life—and yourself—that have felt distant.

At Frey & Associates, our clinicians provide individualized telehealth therapy for children, teens, adults, couples, and families throughout Illinois. We work thoughtfully to match each client with a therapist who fits their needs, personality, and goals.

You do not need to feel hopeful before asking for support. Sometimes hope begins as something much smaller: a pause, a connection, or the faintest glimmer that things could feel different.

frey & associates: Offering virtual mental health therapy and counseling across Illinois. Specializing in anxiety, depression, couples counseling, and relationship and health-focused therapy. Virtual therapy offers convenient, accessible mental health support from the comfort of your own space. Our approach is engaging, active, and solution-focused to help clients build lasting change and emotional well-being. Learn more here; book a free consult today.

Why Do I Feel Fine One Minute and Overwhelmed the Next?

Posted on July 29, 2026

Have you ever noticed that you’re handling your day just fine… until one small thing happens?

Maybe your child spills their drink. You get one more email. Someone asks you an innocent question. You can’t decide what to make for dinner.

Suddenly, you’re fighting back tears, snapping at someone you love, or wondering why something so small feels so incredibly hard.

If you’ve found yourself asking, “Why do I get overwhelmed so easily?” you’re not alone.

The truth is, emotional overwhelm rarely comes out of nowhere.

What Is Emotional Overwhelm?

Emotional overwhelm happens when your brain and nervous system have reached their current capacity.

It’s less about the size of the last event and more about everything your mind and body have already been carrying.

Think of it like a backpack. One piece of paper won’t make it feel heavy—but if you’ve been adding things to it all day, even one more item can make it feel impossible to carry.

That final stressor isn’t usually the problem. It’s simply the one that exceeds your available emotional bandwidth.

Signs You May Be Emotionally Overwhelmed

Emotional overwhelm doesn’t always look dramatic. It often shows up in subtle ways, including:

Feeling emotionally “fragile”
Becoming irritable over small inconveniences
Crying more easily than usual
Difficulty making simple decisions
Trouble concentrating
Feeling mentally exhausted despite getting enough sleep
Wanting everyone to stop asking you for things
Cancelling plans because you simply don’t have the energy

Many people assume these experiences mean they’re “too sensitive” or “bad at handling stress.”

More often, they’re signs that your nervous system has been working overtime.

Why Does This Happen?

There are countless reasons someone may feel overwhelmed.

Common contributors include:

Ongoing work stress
Parenting demands
Caregiving responsibilities
Anxiety
Burnout
Depression
Major life changes
Grief
Chronic illness or chronic pain
ADHD or executive functioning challenges
Poor sleep
Constant multitasking

Sometimes there isn’t one obvious cause.

Instead, it’s months—or even years—of carrying more than your system was designed to hold without enough opportunities to recover.

It’s Not About Being “Strong Enough”

One of the biggest misconceptions about overwhelm is that it reflects weakness.

In reality, many of the people who experience emotional overwhelm are incredibly capable.

They’re the ones who keep showing up.

They meet deadlines.

They take care of everyone else.

They’re dependable.

They’re often the last people to realize how much they’ve been carrying.

Because they’ve become so accustomed to functioning under pressure, they mistake survival for sustainability.

How Therapy Can Help

Therapy isn’t simply about talking through difficult feelings.

It’s also about helping you understand why your nervous system keeps reaching its limit.

Together, you can learn to:

Recognize overwhelm earlier
Understand your personal stress patterns
Build healthier boundaries
Improve emotional regulation
Reduce perfectionism and people-pleasing
Develop coping strategies that actually fit your life
Increase your resilience without expecting yourself to “just push through”

The goal isn’t to eliminate stress completely.

The goal is to create enough emotional capacity that life’s inevitable challenges don’t feel like they might knock you over.

You Don’t Have to Wait Until You’re Falling Apart

Many people believe they need to be in crisis before reaching out for therapy.

The reality is that therapy can be most effective long before things reach that point.

If you’ve noticed that your patience is shorter, your emotions feel closer to the surface, or you’re overwhelmed by things that didn’t used to bother you, it may be your mind and body asking for support—not because you’ve failed, but because you’ve been carrying too much for too long.

You deserve support before burnout becomes a crisis.

Sometimes healing doesn’t begin when everything falls apart.

It begins when you decide you don’t want to keep living at the edge of your capacity anymore.

Do I Need Therapy? Signs It Might Be Time to Reach Out

Posted on June 24, 2026

Why More People Are Going to Therapy (Even When Life Looks Fine on the Outside)

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:

“I should be able to handle this.”
“Nothing is actually wrong.”
“Other people have it worse.”
“I’m functioning, so maybe I don’t need therapy.”

You’re not alone.

One of the biggest shifts we’re seeing in mental health today is that people are no longer waiting for a crisis to seek support. Instead, they’re reaching out when they notice stress, anxiety, burnout, relationship challenges, or a feeling that something just isn’t working anymore.

And honestly? That’s a good thing.

The Myth That Therapy Is Only for Major Problems

Many people assume therapy is only necessary when someone is experiencing severe depression, panic attacks, trauma, or a major life event.

While therapy can absolutely help during those times, it can also be incredibly valuable before things reach a breaking point.

Think of therapy the way you think about preventive healthcare. You don’t wait until you’re seriously ill to see a doctor. You go because you want to stay healthy.

Mental health works the same way.

Signs You May Benefit From Therapy

You don’t need a diagnosis to benefit from therapy.

Some common reasons people seek support include:

Constant Anxiety

You feel on edge, overwhelmed, or stuck in a cycle of worry.

Maybe your mind never seems to shut off. Maybe you’re always thinking about what could go wrong.

High-Functioning Burnout

You’re still getting everything done—but it’s taking far more effort than it used to.

You feel exhausted, detached, irritable, or emotionally depleted, even though you’re continuing to perform at work and meet your responsibilities.

Relationship Stress

You find yourself having the same arguments repeatedly, feeling disconnected from loved ones, or struggling to communicate your needs.

Major Life Transitions

New parenthood, career changes, moving, divorce, retirement, caregiving responsibilities, and health concerns can all create emotional strain.

Feeling “Stuck”

Nothing is necessarily wrong, but you know something isn’t quite right.

You may feel disconnected from yourself, uncertain about the future, or unable to move forward in a meaningful way.

What Therapy Actually Looks Like

One of the biggest misconceptions about therapy is that it’s simply talking about problems.

Effective therapy goes beyond venting.

A good therapist helps you:

Understand patterns that keep showing up in your life
Learn practical coping skills
Improve communication and relationships
Develop healthier boundaries
Manage anxiety and stress more effectively
Build self-awareness and confidence
Create meaningful change

Therapy isn’t about fixing you.

It’s about helping you understand yourself more clearly and giving you tools to navigate life with greater confidence.

You Don’t Have to Wait

Many people wait months—or even years—before reaching out for support because they believe their struggles aren’t “serious enough.”

The reality is that if something is affecting your quality of life, your relationships, your work, or your overall well-being, it matters.

You don’t have to be in crisis to deserve support.

Sometimes therapy isn’t about surviving.

It’s about feeling better than you’ve been feeling.

And that’s reason enough to reach out.

high functioning anxiety

Posted on May 20, 2026

What Is High-Functioning Anxiety?

“High-functioning anxiety” is not an official diagnosis, but it’s a term many people strongly relate to.

It often describes people who:

perform well professionally or academically
appear organized and dependable
keep up with responsibilities

…while also experiencing:

chronic worry
perfectionism
pressure to succeed
racing thoughts
difficulty slowing down
constant mental tension

Because they are functioning, many people minimize what they’re experiencing.

They think:

“This is just my personality.”
“I’ve always been like this.”
“At least I’m productive.”

But functioning and feeling okay are not the same thing.

Why It’s Increasingly Common

Modern life rewards anxious productivity.

Overworking, overthinking, constant availability, perfectionism, and “doing it all” are often praised—not questioned.

Many people with high-functioning anxiety are described as:

driven
reliable
successful
high-achieving

But internally, their nervous systems rarely feel settled.

Eventually, the constant pressure catches up:

burnout
emotional exhaustion
irritability
sleep disruption
feeling disconnected from life

What Therapy Helps With

Therapy for high-functioning anxiety is not about becoming less capable.

It’s about helping things feel less heavy.

Therapy can help people:

reduce overthinking
tolerate uncertainty
feel less pressure internally
stop tying self-worth to productivity
understand perfectionism and people-pleasing patterns
feel calmer in their day-to-day life

And importantly:

You do not have to wait until your anxiety becomes debilitating to deserve support.

The Relationship Matters

One thing that continues to show up in therapy research is this:

The connection with your therapist matters.

People struggling with high-functioning anxiety often spend years appearing “fine” externally.

So therapy tends to work best when it feels:

genuine
thoughtful
safe enough to stop performing

Not rushed.
Not impersonal.
Not one-size-fits-all.

A Gentle Reminder

If you’ve been functioning while quietly carrying stress, pressure, and mental exhaustion for a long time:

You do not need to wait for things to completely fall apart before seeking support.

Sometimes therapy starts simply because:
you’re tired of carrying everything alone.

How Therapy Can Help Me: 3 Things You Might Get Out of Therapy

Posted on May 13, 2026May 13, 2026

A lot of people think about starting therapy and wonder:

“But what would I actually get out of it?”

It’s a fair question. Therapy can feel abstract if you’ve never experienced it. It’s not just talking, and it’s not just advice. It’s a space that, over time, can change how you understand yourself and move through your life.

Here are three meaningful things many people begin to gain from therapy:

1. Clarity: Understanding What’s Actually Going On

Sometimes the hardest part isn’t the problem—it’s not knowing what the problem is.

You might feel:

overwhelmed but not sure why
stuck in patterns you can’t explain
reactive in ways that don’t make sense
disconnected from yourself

Therapy helps you slow things down and look at your experiences with more clarity.

You start to notice:

patterns in your relationships
triggers you didn’t recognize before
where your responses come from
what’s underneath your stress or anxiety

Clarity doesn’t solve everything overnight. But it helps things make sense—and that’s often the first step toward change.

2. Tools: Ways to Actually Handle What You’re Feeling

Therapy isn’t just insight. It’s also practical.

You learn ways to:

regulate your nervous system when you’re overwhelmed
respond instead of react
set boundaries more clearly
communicate more effectively
manage anxiety, stress, or emotional intensity

These aren’t one-size-fits-all techniques. They’re tailored to you—your patterns, your history, your needs.

Over time, you build a toolkit you can use outside of sessions, in real life.

3. A Different Relationship With Yourself

One of the most meaningful shifts in therapy is internal.

You may begin to:

trust your own thoughts and feelings more
speak to yourself with less criticism
feel less responsible for everyone else
tolerate discomfort without shutting down
make decisions with more confidence

Therapy isn’t about becoming a completely different person.

It’s about feeling more like yourself—and more steady within that.

A Gentle Reminder

You don’t have to be in crisis to benefit from therapy.

Many people come in simply feeling:

“off”
overwhelmed
stuck
unsure what they need

That’s enough.

You don’t need the perfect words or a clear explanation to start.
You just need a place to begin.

Where Is Your Energy Going?

Posted on March 1, 2026

Where Is Your Energy Going?

One of the most overlooked questions in emotional health isn’t “What’s wrong?”
It’s:

Where is my energy going — and what is it giving back?

We all invest energy every day. Attention. Effort. Care. Time. Emotional labor. Problem-solving. Reassurance. Overthinking.

Energy is finite.
And not all investments return something nourishing.

The Return on Emotional Investment

Some relationships, projects, or environments reflect back:

Respect
Curiosity
Support
Accountability
Mutual effort

Even when they’re imperfect, they feel reciprocal.

Others reflect back:

Indifference
Chronic criticism
Confusion
Dismissiveness
One-sided effort
Emotional volatility

You leave feeling drained instead of steadied.

The problem isn’t that something is hard.
The problem is when it’s consistently depleting without replenishing.

Notice the Pattern, Not the Moment

Every relationship has off days. Every project has slow seasons.

But ask yourself:

Is this an occasional imbalance?
Or a consistent one?
When I show up with care, is care returned?
When I communicate, is there space for me?
When I invest energy, does it grow — or disappear?

Patterns matter more than isolated incidents.

You Don’t Have to Argue for Reciprocity

A common trap is trying to convince something to become reciprocal.

Explaining more.
Trying harder.
Giving more.
Being “better.”

But reciprocity isn’t something you negotiate into existence.

It’s either present — or it isn’t.

Redirecting Energy Is Not Bitterness

Choosing to put your focus elsewhere isn’t pettiness.
It’s alignment.

It might mean:

Investing more in people who show up consistently
Focusing on work that energizes rather than depletes
Building routines that stabilize you
Spending less time chasing validation
Letting go of proving yourself

Energy grows where it’s welcomed.

A Simple Practice This Week

Try this:

Make a short list of where your emotional energy is going.

Then ask:

What feels steady?
What feels draining?
What feels neutral but necessary?
What feels chronically depleting?

You don’t need to overhaul your life.
Just shift 5–10% of your energy toward what reflects it back well.

Small reallocations create big shifts over time.

A Gentle Reminder

You are not obligated to keep pouring energy into spaces that consistently return confusion, dismissal, or depletion.

You deserve environments — and relationships — that reflect back care when you offer it.

Energy is a resource.

Spend it where it can grow.

When You Don’t Know What You’re Feeling

Posted on February 22, 2026

When You Don’t Know What You’re Feeling

There are seasons when emotions are loud and obvious. And then there are seasons when everything feels… unclear.

You’re not in crisis.
You’re not thriving either.
You’re functioning. But something feels slightly off.

You might notice:

Irritability without a clear cause
Low motivation
Trouble focusing
A sense of restlessness
Or just a vague heaviness

When feelings aren’t dramatic, we often dismiss them. We tell ourselves we’re “fine.” We push through. We assume clarity will come later.

But emotional fog is still information.

Not All Distress Is Urgent

We tend to think emotions have to be intense to be valid. But subtle misalignment can be just as important as acute pain.

Sometimes you’re not overwhelmed.
You’re under-supported.

Sometimes you’re not anxious.
You’re overextended.

Sometimes you’re not unmotivated.
You’re tired in a way sleep doesn’t fix.

Naming the right thing matters.

Try This Instead of “What’s Wrong With Me?”

When something feels off, the instinct is often self-criticism.

Instead, try asking:

What has my nervous system been carrying lately?
What feels unfinished?
Where am I overcompensating?
What would make this week 5% easier?

You don’t need a full emotional breakthrough.
You just need enough awareness to adjust slightly.

Small Adjustments Count

When you don’t know what you’re feeling, focus on regulation over resolution.

Simplify one commitment
Go to bed earlier twice this week
Take one walk without multitasking
Say no once
Ask for help in one small way

Clarity often follows steadiness.

A Gentle Reminder

You don’t have to wait for full exhaustion to justify slowing down.

If something feels off, that’s enough to pay attention.

You are allowed to respond to subtle signals, not just emergencies.

Sometimes growth looks like catching yourself earlier than in past moments.

Why Is Narcissism Everywhere Right Now?

Posted on February 11, 2026February 11, 2026

“Narcissist” has become an internet catch-all word. On social media it often means:

Someone selfish
Someone who hurt me
Someone who didn’t take accountability
Someone emotionally unavailable

But clinically, narcissism is more specific than that.

There are three important distinctions people often miss:

Narcissistic traits (very common)
Narcissistic patterns (more pervasive, relationally harmful)
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) (a diagnosable condition)

Most people who get labeled online fall into category #1 or #2 — not NPD.

What Narcissism Actually Is (Clinically)

At its core, narcissism involves:

A fragile sense of self-worth
A strong need for admiration or validation
Difficulty tolerating criticism
Limited empathy (especially when feeling threatened)
A tendency to externalize blame

Underneath the grandiosity is often deep insecurity.

That doesn’t excuse harmful behavior. But it explains why reasoning, logic, or emotional appeals often don’t “land.”

If Someone in Your Life Has Narcissistic Traits

You cannot change their personality structure.
You cannot love someone into self-awareness.
You cannot argue someone into empathy.

So self-care becomes about you, not about fixing them.

Here’s what that can look like:

1. Stop Expecting Emotional Reciprocity

If someone consistently struggles with empathy or accountability, adjust your expectations. Grieving that reality is painful—but stabilizing.

2. Strengthen Boundaries

Clear. Simple. Repeated.

“I’m not discussing this further.”
“That doesn’t work for me.”
“I’ll step away if this continues.”

Boundaries are not about convincing them. They’re about protecting your nervous system.

3. Don’t Over-Explain

Over-explaining is often an attempt to be understood. With someone highly defensive, it usually fuels more argument.

Short. Calm. Neutral.

4. Regulate Yourself First

These dynamics are activating. They can make you question yourself.

Grounding practices matter:

Pause before responding
Take space when needed
Check in with trusted outside perspectives

5. Watch for Gaslighting Effects

If you constantly feel:

confused
self-doubting
“too sensitive”
responsible for everything

That’s information.

Your nervous system keeps receipts even when your brain tries to rationalize.

The Most Important Reframe

The internet hype focuses on diagnosing them.

Healing focuses on stabilizing you.

Whether someone has narcissistic traits or not, you deserve:

Emotional safety
Accountability
Reciprocity
Respect

If those things are chronically absent, the label matters less than the impact.

How to Find a Hobby (Without Turning It Into Another Obligation)

Posted on January 28, 2026

Many people say they “don’t have a hobby,” but what they often mean is that nothing has stuck, nothing felt fun enough, or everything somehow turned into work. Finding a hobby isn’t about discovering a hidden talent or committing to something forever. It’s about giving yourself permission to explore without expectations.

A hobby is simply something you do because it feels engaging, soothing, curious, or enjoyable—not because you’re good at it or because it leads anywhere.

Start With What Feels Neutral or Slightly Interesting

You don’t need passion to begin. You just need mild curiosity.

Instead of asking, “What do I love?” try:

What makes time pass a little faster?
What feels calming or grounding?
What did I enjoy before life got busy or serious?

Even a small spark counts.

Let It Be Low-Stakes

One of the fastest ways to lose interest is to put pressure on yourself to be good at something. Hobbies don’t need outcomes. They don’t need consistency. They don’t need to be shared.

You’re allowed to:

try something once
be bad at it
drop it
come back later

Exploration is not failure.

Match the Hobby to Your Energy

Different seasons of life call for different kinds of hobbies. When energy is low, look for things that are:

repetitive
sensory
familiar
soothing

This might be coloring, puzzles, organizing small spaces, walking, crafting, or listening to audiobooks while doing something with your hands.

When energy is higher, curiosity may pull you toward learning, building, or experimenting.

Pay Attention to Your Body, Not Just Your Mind

A good hobby often shows up in the body before the mind labels it as “fun.”

Notice:

Do your shoulders drop?
Do you feel less rushed?
Do you lose track of time?
Do you feel steadier afterward?

Those are signs of nervous system regulation—not just enjoyment.

Release the Need for It to “Make Sense”

Your hobby doesn’t have to align with your identity, career, or personality. It doesn’t need to be impressive, productive, or useful.

It just needs to be yours.

Some hobbies look like:

rearranging shelves
experimenting in the kitchen
walking the same route every day
making things that don’t get finished
learning something and then letting it go

All of that counts.

A Gentle Place to Begin

If you’re not sure where to start, try this:
Pick one small activity.
Set a short amount of time.
Notice how you feel during and after.

That’s it.

You’re not committing to a hobby. You’re gathering information about yourself.

A Closing Reminder

You don’t need a hobby to prove you’re interesting or well-rounded. But you do deserve moments that belong to you—moments that aren’t measured, evaluated, or optimized.

Curiosity is enough to begin.

spring cleaning: making room for new experiences

Posted on March 26, 2025

Spring Cleaning: Making Room for New Experiences

As the seasons change and the days grow longer, there’s an undeniable urge to refresh our surroundings. Spring cleaning isn’t just about decluttering our homes—it’s about making space for growth, new opportunities, and fresh experiences. Whether it’s clearing out your closet, reorganizing your digital life, or letting go of emotional baggage, the act of cleaning can be incredibly freeing and transformative.

Letting Go of Emotional Clutter

Spring cleaning isn’t just about the tangible—it’s also about clearing out mental and emotional space. Letting go of people pleasing, unrealistic expectations, self-doubt, or whatever goals speak to you this season. Journaling, meditation, talking to a trusted friend, and/or connecting with your therapist can help you process emotions and make way for new, positive experiences. When we release what no longer serves us, we create room for joy, adventure, and personal growth.

Get Started: Reset and Realign

Spring cleaning is more than just a seasonal chore; it’s a powerful way to reset and realign with your goals. By letting go of the old, you open yourself up to the beauty of new possibilities. Refresh your surroundings, and step into a season of renewal and growth; ready to get started, reach out today.

mindful moment

Posted on January 10, 2025

Beneath the snow, the earth still sleeps,

Dreaming of spring’s vibrant green,

Though icy winds may fiercely sweep,

A resilient heart, unseen, is keen.

as the end of the year approaches…

Posted on December 27, 2024

As the year comes to a close, it’s tempting to get caught up in the rush—finishing projects, planning celebrations, or setting resolutions. But before diving into what’s next, let’s take a moment to pause and end the year with mindfulness. Here’s how you can reflect, recharge, and renew for a meaningful transition into the new year.

Reflect: Look Back with Gratitude and Clarity

Take some time to sit quietly and reflect on the past year. Ask yourself:

What moments brought me joy?
What challenges taught me something valuable?
Who or what am I grateful for?

Recharge: Prioritize Rest and Self-Care

The holiday season can be hectic, so make it a priority to slow down.

Schedule moments of rest—curl up with a good book, take a walk in nature, or meditate.
Nourish your body with healthy meals and stay hydrated.
Say “no” to things that don’t align with your energy or priorities right now.

Recharging isn’t about doing nothing; it’s about giving yourself the space to breathe and reset.

Renew: Set Intentions, Not Resolutions

Instead of rigid resolutions, try setting gentle intentions that focus on how you want to feel or grow. For example:

“I intend to prioritize my mental health by practicing daily mindfulness.”
“I aim to nurture my relationships by being more present.”

These intentions allow room for flexibility and kindness, guiding you into the new year with purpose instead of pressure.

As the end of the year approaches…

The end of the year is not a finish line but a moment to pause and celebrate your journey. You’ve navigated ups and downs, grown in ways you might not even realize, and made it through another year—an accomplishment in itself.

As you close out this chapter, remember to approach yourself with kindness and gratitude. Here’s to a mindful end of the year.

mindful moment

Posted on June 30, 2024

Warm Summer Sun by Mark Twain

Warm summer sun,
Shine kindly here,
Warm southern wind,
Blow softly here.
Green sod above,
Lie light, lie light.
Good night, dear heart,
Good night, good night.

Melissa: welcoming spring

Posted on April 10, 2024

Finally, Spring has arrived! Spring, often thought of as as season of renewal, brings fresh air, sun, light, and growth.

In honor of Spring having finally begun in the Midwest, below is a poem by the poet Ava Lemon that so beautifully captures the spirit of the season.

Instructions on Not Giving Up by Ada Limón

More than the fuchsia funnels breaking out
of the crabapple tree, more than the neighbor’s
almost obscene display of cherry limbs shoving
their cotton candy-colored blossoms to the slate
sky of Spring rains, it’s the greening of the trees
that really gets to me. When all the shock of white
and taffy, the world’s baubles and trinkets, leave
the pavement strewn with the confetti of aftermath,
the leaves come. Patient, plodding, a green skin
growing over whatever winter did to us, a return
to the strange idea of continuous living despite
the mess of us, the hurt, the empty. Fine then,
I’ll take it, the tree seems to say, a new slick leaf
unfurling like a fist to an open palm, I’ll take it all.

Melissa: social media breaks

Posted on February 9, 2024

Around the time of a new year, many of us think through how to best consider changes in our behaviors and actions. On many lists of “changes to make” is considering a break or a slowing down of usage of social media. Not sure if that would be for you? A piece from Harvard helps people evaluate when a break from social media might be worth considering:

“Recognizing When You Need a Break

Considering all of the above, you may be ready for a break. Ask yourself the following questions if you think it’s time to reevaluate your relationship with social media:

Do you come away from your interactions on social media feeling inspired, informed, and positive? Or are you drained, saddened, frustrated, overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, angry, or negative?
Do you find yourself on a social media app, yet don’t remember picking up your phone and tapping on the app?
Is the amount of time you’re spending on social media taking away from time you used to spend with friends or family, doing schoolwork, or doing other productive activities?
Are you constantly comparing your life to the lives you see on social media, and think that you could never “catch up”?
Have any friends or family members expressed concern that you’re on social media too much, or that you talk about what you see there too much?
Do you have more activities and relationships in real life, or do you conduct most of your life on social media?
Do you just have a feeling you need to take a break, but aren’t sure how?”

If any of those questions resonate with you, it might be worth reading into the article further here.

Remember: always progress over perfection!

mindful moment

Posted on October 12, 2023October 12, 2023

The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

melissa: meditation and anxiety apps

Posted on August 23, 2023

We often get questions about options for apps that can assist in mindfulness, meditation, and overall anxiety management. To save our clients the leg work, we have a list of resources on this page of our website. I particularly like the app Simple Habit, which has a free version and also an option that allows you to pick a specific stressor or goal paired with a targeted guided meditation. I also like the app Down Dog for free yoga instruction, which can be targeted for the level of yoga and duration of time you’d like to use it for.

With so many options for apps, it can be easy to overlook that there are also a lot of options for mental health and wellness podcasts to listen to as well. We list podcasts this page of our website as well, and there are plenty more that are released and up and coming that can be found, for example, here and here. Lastly, there are additional app reviews and options here and here, should you want to read more! The possibilities are endless- happy listening!

mindful moment

Posted on July 19, 2023

warm summer sun by mark twain

Warm summer sun,
Shine kindly here,
Warm southern wind,
Blow softly here.
Green sod above,
Lie light, lie light.
Good night, dear heart,
Good night, good night.

mindful moment

Posted on April 20, 2023

Spring is like a perhaps hand by E. E. Cummings

Spring is like a perhaps hand
(which comes carefully
out of Nowhere) arranging
a window,into which people look(while
people stare
arranging and changing placing
carefully there a strange
thing and a known thing here) and

changing everything carefully

melissa: podcasts about mental health

Posted on March 29, 2023

Looking for a new podcast? There are a lot of excellent mental health resources and podcasts, and it can be overwhelming to know where you might want to start. I’ve compiled a list of the mental health podcasts that tend to be cross listed on the top reviewed lists. If you want to look at the “top mental health podcasts” lists yourself, I’ve included some links below of four different resources. In the meantime, here are some of the top reviewed, chart topping podcasts:

Top mental health podcasts are listed, reviewed, and with talking points/pros/cons, in the articles here, here, here, and here.

Happy listening!

Telehealth Services

What Are Glimmers?

Where Is Your Energy Going?

The Return on Emotional Investment

Notice the Pattern, Not the Moment

You Don’t Have to Argue for Reciprocity

Redirecting Energy Is Not Bitterness

A Simple Practice This Week

A Gentle Reminder

When You Don’t Know What You’re Feeling

Not All Distress Is Urgent

Try This Instead of “What’s Wrong With Me?”

Small Adjustments Count

A Gentle Reminder

What Narcissism Actually Is (Clinically)

If Someone in Your Life Has Narcissistic Traits

1. Stop Expecting Emotional Reciprocity

2. Strengthen Boundaries

3. Don’t Over-Explain

4. Regulate Yourself First

5. Watch for Gaslighting Effects

The Most Important Reframe

Start With What Feels Neutral or Slightly Interesting

Let It Be Low-Stakes

Match the Hobby to Your Energy

Pay Attention to Your Body, Not Just Your Mind

Release the Need for It to “Make Sense”

A Gentle Place to Begin

A Closing Reminder

Letting Go of Emotional Clutter

Get Started: Reset and Realign

Reflect: Look Back with Gratitude and Clarity

Recharge: Prioritize Rest and Self-Care

Renew: Set Intentions, Not Resolutions

As the end of the year approaches…