north shore psychotherapy Archives - Melissa A. Frey, LCSW

Why Can’t I Make Even Simple Decisions? Understanding Decision Fatigue

Posted on September 9, 2026

Have you ever finished a long day and discovered that one more question—even “What do you want for dinner?”—feels almost impossible to answer?

You may stare at a menu without being able to choose, put off replying to a simple message, or spend far too long comparing two nearly identical options. Eventually, you might choose impulsively, ask someone else to decide, or avoid the decision altogether.

This experience is often called decision fatigue. It does not mean you are incapable, unmotivated, or unusually indecisive. It may simply mean your mind has already been carrying too much.

What Is Decision Fatigue?

Decision fatigue describes the mental strain that can develop after making—or anticipating—many decisions. Some choices are obvious and visible, while others happen quietly throughout the day:

What needs to be handled first?
Did I respond appropriately?
Should I say yes or set a boundary?
What does everyone else need from me?
Am I making the right financial, parenting, work, or health decision?
What might go wrong if I choose incorrectly?

Individually, these decisions may seem manageable. Together, they can create a significant mental load.

What Does Decision Fatigue Feel Like?

Decision fatigue can look different from person to person. You may notice:

Procrastinating on choices that would normally feel simple
Becoming irritable when someone asks another question
Feeling overwhelmed by too many options
Repeatedly researching without feeling more confident
Asking others to decide for you
Making quick or impulsive choices just to be finished
Avoiding emails, appointments, forms, or errands
Second-guessing yourself after a decision has already been made

Sometimes decision fatigue resembles anxiety, perfectionism, burnout, or difficulty with executive functioning. These experiences can also overlap and intensify one another.

Why Do Small Choices Sometimes Feel the Hardest?

When you have used much of your energy managing high-stakes responsibilities, there may be little capacity left for ordinary decisions. The dinner choice is not necessarily difficult because dinner matters so much. It is difficult because it arrived after dozens of other choices.

Small decisions can also become loaded with pressure. Instead of choosing an option that is good enough, you may feel responsible for finding the healthiest, smartest, cheapest, most efficient, or least disappointing option.

When every choice feels as though it should be optimized, even everyday life can become exhausting.

How to Reduce Decision Fatigue

The goal is not to make perfect decisions more efficiently. It is to reduce the number of choices that require your full attention.

1. Decide what does not need to be optimized

Some decisions deserve careful thought. Others simply need an acceptable answer. Ask yourself: Does this decision need to be perfect, or does it only need to work?

2. Create a few helpful defaults

Repeating certain meals, routines, shopping lists, or work systems can conserve mental energy. A default is not a rigid rule. It is an option you can use when you do not want to start from zero.

3. Limit the number of options

More choices do not always create more freedom. Try narrowing a long list to two or three realistic possibilities before comparing them.

4. Make important decisions when you have more capacity

If possible, avoid making meaningful decisions when you are hungry, exhausted, rushed, or already emotionally overwhelmed. Pausing is not the same as avoiding. Sometimes it is a way of giving the decision the attention it deserves.

5. Notice when anxiety is asking for certainty

Repeated research and reassurance can feel productive while actually keeping you stuck. You may not be missing information; you may be looking for a guarantee that no option can provide.

6. Share the invisible mental load

In families, relationships, and workplaces, one person may become responsible not only for completing tasks but also for noticing, planning, remembering, and deciding what needs to happen. Naming and redistributing that labor can be more helpful than simply trying to become better organized.

When Decision Fatigue Is More Than a Busy Week

Occasional mental overload is part of being human. But if indecision, avoidance, rumination, or irritability regularly interferes with your work, relationships, or daily responsibilities, it may be worth exploring what is underneath it.

Chronic anxiety, depression, ADHD, perfectionism, trauma, caregiving stress, and burnout can all make decision-making feel more difficult. Therapy can help you recognize the patterns contributing to the overload, clarify what matters to you, and build greater trust in your ability to make choices without endless second-guessing.

At Frey & Associates, we provide individualized telehealth therapy for children, teens, adults, couples, and families throughout Illinois. Rather than assigning the next available provider, we thoughtfully match each client with a clinician whose experience and approach fit their needs.

You do not need to make every decision today. Sometimes the next helpful choice is simply deciding that you no longer have to carry all of them alone.

frey & associates: Offering virtual mental health therapy and counseling across Illinois. Specializing in anxiety, depression, couples counseling, and relationship and health-focused therapy. Virtual therapy offers convenient, accessible mental health support from the comfort of your own space. Our approach is engaging, active, and solution-focused to help clients build lasting change and emotional well-being. Learn more here; book a free consult today.

Could It Be ADHD? Why So Many Adults Are Wondering for the First Time

Posted on July 22, 2026

“I’ve always been like this.”

It’s one of the most common things people say when they begin wondering whether they might have ADHD.

Maybe you’ve always struggled to stay organized, finish projects, or remember appointments. Perhaps you’ve been told you’re “too sensitive,” “lazy,” “scatterbrained,” or that you just need to try harder. For years, you may have developed systems to keep yourself afloat—working late into the night, relying on constant reminders, or feeling like you’re putting in twice the effort just to keep up.

Now, after seeing information online or watching someone share their own diagnosis, you’re wondering:

Could this be ADHD?

If you’re asking that question as an adult, you’re far from alone.

Why are so many adults being diagnosed now?

Adult ADHD isn’t necessarily becoming more common. Instead, we’re getting better at recognizing it.

For years, ADHD was often viewed as a condition affecting young boys who couldn’t sit still in class. While that can certainly be one presentation, we now know ADHD can look very different across individuals.

Many adults—especially women, people who performed well academically, or those who learned to compensate early in life—were never identified as children.

Instead of obvious hyperactivity, they may have experienced:

Chronic overwhelm
Difficulty prioritizing tasks
Forgetfulness
Constant mental chatter
Emotional intensity
Trouble starting or finishing projects
Feeling exhausted from trying to stay organized
A lifelong sense that everyday tasks seem harder than they “should” be

Because these experiences can be mistaken for anxiety, perfectionism, depression, or simply personality traits, many people don’t consider ADHD until much later in life.

Why might symptoms become more noticeable in adulthood?

Many people successfully compensate for ADHD when life is relatively structured.

Then life changes.

Starting a demanding career, becoming a parent, managing a household, caring for aging parents, or juggling multiple responsibilities can overwhelm coping strategies that worked for years.

It’s common to hear people say:

“I managed fine until I had kids.”

“Everything fell apart once I started working from home.”

The increase in responsibilities doesn’t cause ADHD—but it can make previously manageable symptoms much more difficult to ignore.

ADHD doesn’t always look like being “hyper.”

Many adults picture ADHD as constant movement or an inability to sit still.

In reality, ADHD often affects executive functioning—the brain’s ability to plan, organize, prioritize, initiate tasks, regulate attention, and manage time.

Some adults describe experiences like:

Frequently losing everyday items
Starting multiple projects but struggling to finish them
Hyperfocusing for hours on one task while forgetting everything else
Missing deadlines despite good intentions
Feeling overwhelmed by simple decisions
Constant procrastination followed by last-minute bursts of productivity
Interrupting conversations without meaning to
Feeling mentally “busy” all the time
Becoming emotionally overwhelmed more quickly than others

Not everyone experiences the same symptoms, and ADHD exists on a spectrum.

Could it be something else?

It’s important to remember that ADHD isn’t the only explanation for difficulties with focus or organization.

Anxiety, depression, trauma, chronic stress, sleep deprivation, thyroid conditions, learning differences, and other medical or mental health concerns can produce similar symptoms.

That’s why self-diagnosis has limits.

Reading an article or relating to a social media post doesn’t necessarily mean you have ADHD. At the same time, identifying with these experiences may be a good reason to explore them further with a qualified professional.

What does an ADHD evaluation involve?

A comprehensive evaluation looks beyond a simple checklist.

A clinician will typically explore:

Your current symptoms
Childhood experiences
School and work history
Family history
Daily functioning
Relationships
Emotional regulation
Other mental health or medical conditions that may contribute to symptoms

The goal isn’t simply to determine whether ADHD fits. It’s to understand the whole picture so treatment recommendations are accurate and individualized.

What if I do have ADHD?

For many adults, receiving a diagnosis brings relief rather than disappointment.

Instead of viewing themselves as lazy, disorganized, or “bad at adulting,” they begin to understand that their brain simply processes information differently.

Treatment doesn’t always mean medication. Depending on your needs, recommendations may include:

Therapy to develop practical strategies
Executive functioning skills
Time management and organization techniques
Learning how ADHD affects emotions and relationships
Medication consultation with a medical provider when appropriate
Reducing self-criticism while building sustainable routines

The goal isn’t perfection—it’s helping daily life feel more manageable.

When should you seek support?

If you’ve spent years feeling like you’re constantly working harder than everyone else just to stay on top of everyday life, it may be worth talking with a mental health professional.

Whether the answer is ADHD, anxiety, burnout, or something entirely different, understanding what’s contributing to your struggles can be an important first step.

You don’t have to keep wondering on your own.

Do I Have ADD? Diagnosis & Next Steps: Want more information? You can read more here.

At Frey & Associates, we work with adults navigating anxiety, ADHD, life transitions, stress, and emotional overwhelm. If you’re curious whether ADHD may be part of your story, we’re here to help you explore it in a thoughtful, compassionate, and evidence-based way.

I’m Functioning Fine… So Why Am I So Exhausted?

Posted on July 15, 2026

Have you ever looked at your life and thought:

“Everything is technically okay… so why do I feel completely drained?”

Maybe you’re going to work, taking care of your family, answering emails, paying bills, and checking everything off your to-do list. From the outside, it looks like you’re managing just fine.

But inside, you’re running on empty.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many people who seek therapy aren’t falling apart—they’re holding everything together while quietly carrying more than their mind and body were ever meant to.

Functioning Isn’t the Same as Feeling Well

One of the biggest misconceptions about mental health is that if you’re still functioning, you must be okay.

The reality is that many people continue meeting responsibilities while experiencing significant emotional strain.

You might notice yourself:

Feeling exhausted no matter how much you sleep.
Losing interest in things you used to enjoy.
Feeling irritable over small inconveniences.
Constantly thinking about everything you still need to do.
Struggling to relax, even during downtime.
Feeling emotionally “flat” or disconnected.
Wondering why everyone else seems to handle life better than you.

These experiences don’t necessarily mean something is “wrong” with you. They can be signs that your mind and body have been under stress for longer than they can comfortably sustain.

What Can Lead to This Kind of Exhaustion?

There isn’t always one clear cause.

Often, it’s the accumulation of many different stressors over time.

Some common contributors include:

Chronic workplace stress
Parenting or caregiving responsibilities
Relationship challenges
Anxiety that keeps your brain constantly “on”
Perfectionism and high expectations of yourself
Major life transitions
Caring for everyone else’s needs before your own
Long-term stress that never fully resolves

Even positive life events—like a promotion, moving, getting married, or having children—can be emotionally demanding.

Your Brain May Never Be Getting a Break

Many people who feel exhausted describe their thoughts as constantly running.

They’re planning tomorrow while finishing today.

They’re replaying conversations.

They’re anticipating problems before they happen.

They’re remembering everything for everyone else.

When your mind is always working, it has very little opportunity to recover.

Over time, that mental load can feel just as exhausting as physical work.

Emotional Exhaustion Can Show Up Physically

Stress doesn’t only affect your emotions.

It can also contribute to symptoms like:

Muscle tension
Headaches
Difficulty sleeping
Trouble concentrating
Feeling restless or “on edge”
Digestive changes
Increased emotional sensitivity
Feeling like your battery never fully recharges

While it’s always important to discuss physical symptoms with your medical provider, emotional stress and physical well-being are closely connected.

Why Rest Doesn’t Always Help

Many people assume they simply need a vacation or a weekend off.

While rest is important, emotional exhaustion often doesn’t disappear after sleeping in.

That’s because the issue isn’t only physical fatigue.

It’s the mental effort of carrying constant responsibility, worry, pressure, or emotional labor.

If your mind never gets permission to slow down, your body may continue feeling depleted.

Therapy Isn’t Just for Crisis

A common reason people delay therapy is because they think they aren’t struggling “enough.”

They tell themselves:

“Other people have it worse.”
“I’m still getting everything done.”
“I should be able to handle this.”

But therapy isn’t reserved for moments of crisis.

It’s a place to better understand what’s contributing to your exhaustion, develop healthier ways of coping with stress, and create space for your own needs before burnout becomes overwhelming.

Many people find that therapy helps them move from simply surviving their days to actually enjoying them again.

Small Steps Can Make a Difference

If you’ve been feeling emotionally exhausted, consider asking yourself:

When was the last time I felt genuinely rested?
What has been taking most of my emotional energy lately?
Am I expecting myself to function at 100% all the time?
What do I need that I’ve been putting off?

You don’t have to solve everything overnight.

Sometimes the first step is simply recognizing that constantly feeling exhausted isn’t something you have to accept as your normal.

You Don’t Have to Keep Pushing Through

If you’ve been telling yourself, “I’m functioning, so I should be fine,” it may be worth taking a closer look at how you’re actually feeling.

You deserve support before you reach a breaking point.

At Frey & Associates, we work with adults, parents, professionals, and caregivers who often appear to have everything together while quietly carrying an overwhelming mental load. Therapy offers a space to slow down, gain perspective, and begin feeling like yourself again.

If you’re ready to take the next step, we’d be honored to help you get there.

Do I Need Therapy? Signs It Might Be Time to Reach Out

Posted on June 24, 2026

Why More People Are Going to Therapy (Even When Life Looks Fine on the Outside)

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:

“I should be able to handle this.”
“Nothing is actually wrong.”
“Other people have it worse.”
“I’m functioning, so maybe I don’t need therapy.”

You’re not alone.

One of the biggest shifts we’re seeing in mental health today is that people are no longer waiting for a crisis to seek support. Instead, they’re reaching out when they notice stress, anxiety, burnout, relationship challenges, or a feeling that something just isn’t working anymore.

And honestly? That’s a good thing.

The Myth That Therapy Is Only for Major Problems

Many people assume therapy is only necessary when someone is experiencing severe depression, panic attacks, trauma, or a major life event.

While therapy can absolutely help during those times, it can also be incredibly valuable before things reach a breaking point.

Think of therapy the way you think about preventive healthcare. You don’t wait until you’re seriously ill to see a doctor. You go because you want to stay healthy.

Mental health works the same way.

Signs You May Benefit From Therapy

You don’t need a diagnosis to benefit from therapy.

Some common reasons people seek support include:

Constant Anxiety

You feel on edge, overwhelmed, or stuck in a cycle of worry.

Maybe your mind never seems to shut off. Maybe you’re always thinking about what could go wrong.

High-Functioning Burnout

You’re still getting everything done—but it’s taking far more effort than it used to.

You feel exhausted, detached, irritable, or emotionally depleted, even though you’re continuing to perform at work and meet your responsibilities.

Relationship Stress

You find yourself having the same arguments repeatedly, feeling disconnected from loved ones, or struggling to communicate your needs.

Major Life Transitions

New parenthood, career changes, moving, divorce, retirement, caregiving responsibilities, and health concerns can all create emotional strain.

Feeling “Stuck”

Nothing is necessarily wrong, but you know something isn’t quite right.

You may feel disconnected from yourself, uncertain about the future, or unable to move forward in a meaningful way.

What Therapy Actually Looks Like

One of the biggest misconceptions about therapy is that it’s simply talking about problems.

Effective therapy goes beyond venting.

A good therapist helps you:

Understand patterns that keep showing up in your life
Learn practical coping skills
Improve communication and relationships
Develop healthier boundaries
Manage anxiety and stress more effectively
Build self-awareness and confidence
Create meaningful change

Therapy isn’t about fixing you.

It’s about helping you understand yourself more clearly and giving you tools to navigate life with greater confidence.

You Don’t Have to Wait

Many people wait months—or even years—before reaching out for support because they believe their struggles aren’t “serious enough.”

The reality is that if something is affecting your quality of life, your relationships, your work, or your overall well-being, it matters.

You don’t have to be in crisis to deserve support.

Sometimes therapy isn’t about surviving.

It’s about feeling better than you’ve been feeling.

And that’s reason enough to reach out.

High-Functioning Anxiety: When Everything Looks Fine (But Doesn’t Feel That Way)

Posted on April 29, 2026

From the outside, everything looks steady.

You’re responsible.
Productive.
Reliable.
You follow through. You show up. You manage your life.

But internally, it can feel very different.

There’s a constant hum of:

overthinking
pressure to get things “right”
difficulty relaxing
second-guessing decisions
feeling like you should always be doing more

This is often described as high-functioning anxiety.

And because things appear “fine,” it can go unnoticed—by others and even by yourself.

The Invisible Nature of High-Functioning Anxiety

High-functioning anxiety doesn’t always look like panic or obvious distress.

It often looks like:

being highly organized—but unable to turn your mind off
succeeding professionally—but feeling internally tense
being dependable—but feeling overwhelmed underneath
appearing calm—but constantly scanning for what could go wrong

Because you’re functioning, it’s easy to minimize it.

You might tell yourself:

“This is just how I am.”
“At least I’m getting things done.”
“Other people have it worse.”

But functioning doesn’t mean you feel well.

Why It’s Hard to Address

High-functioning anxiety is tricky because it’s often rewarded.

The same patterns that create stress—being detail-oriented, driven, responsible—are also what help you succeed.

So the anxiety gets reinforced:

You overprepare → things go well → anxiety feels necessary
You push yourself → you achieve → pressure increases

It becomes hard to tell where helpful motivation ends and anxiety begins.

What Therapy Helps You Notice

Therapy doesn’t take away your strengths.

It helps you understand the cost of how you’re using them.

You may begin to notice:

when your thoughts shift from helpful to excessive
how much mental energy you’re using to stay “on top of things”
where perfectionism is creating pressure instead of clarity
how your nervous system rarely gets a break

Clarity is often the first shift.

What Therapy Helps You Change

From there, therapy becomes practical.

It can help you:

slow down overthinking patterns
tolerate uncertainty without spiraling
respond instead of react
set more realistic internal expectations
create space to rest without guilt

Not by forcing yourself to care less—
but by helping your nervous system feel safer.

A Different Way to Function

The goal isn’t to stop being capable, driven, or responsible.

It’s to function without the constant internal pressure.

To:

feel more steady, not just productive
make decisions without excessive second-guessing
rest without feeling behind
move through your day without the constant hum of urgency

You don’t have to choose between functioning and feeling okay.

A Gentle Reminder

If this resonates, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.

It likely means you’ve learned to manage a lot—very well.

Therapy simply gives you a place to do that
with less pressure, more clarity, and a little more ease.

—

Where Is Your Energy Going?

Posted on March 1, 2026

Where Is Your Energy Going?

One of the most overlooked questions in emotional health isn’t “What’s wrong?”
It’s:

Where is my energy going — and what is it giving back?

We all invest energy every day. Attention. Effort. Care. Time. Emotional labor. Problem-solving. Reassurance. Overthinking.

Energy is finite.
And not all investments return something nourishing.

The Return on Emotional Investment

Some relationships, projects, or environments reflect back:

Respect
Curiosity
Support
Accountability
Mutual effort

Even when they’re imperfect, they feel reciprocal.

Others reflect back:

Indifference
Chronic criticism
Confusion
Dismissiveness
One-sided effort
Emotional volatility

You leave feeling drained instead of steadied.

The problem isn’t that something is hard.
The problem is when it’s consistently depleting without replenishing.

Notice the Pattern, Not the Moment

Every relationship has off days. Every project has slow seasons.

But ask yourself:

Is this an occasional imbalance?
Or a consistent one?
When I show up with care, is care returned?
When I communicate, is there space for me?
When I invest energy, does it grow — or disappear?

Patterns matter more than isolated incidents.

You Don’t Have to Argue for Reciprocity

A common trap is trying to convince something to become reciprocal.

Explaining more.
Trying harder.
Giving more.
Being “better.”

But reciprocity isn’t something you negotiate into existence.

It’s either present — or it isn’t.

Redirecting Energy Is Not Bitterness

Choosing to put your focus elsewhere isn’t pettiness.
It’s alignment.

It might mean:

Investing more in people who show up consistently
Focusing on work that energizes rather than depletes
Building routines that stabilize you
Spending less time chasing validation
Letting go of proving yourself

Energy grows where it’s welcomed.

A Simple Practice This Week

Try this:

Make a short list of where your emotional energy is going.

Then ask:

What feels steady?
What feels draining?
What feels neutral but necessary?
What feels chronically depleting?

You don’t need to overhaul your life.
Just shift 5–10% of your energy toward what reflects it back well.

Small reallocations create big shifts over time.

A Gentle Reminder

You are not obligated to keep pouring energy into spaces that consistently return confusion, dismissal, or depletion.

You deserve environments — and relationships — that reflect back care when you offer it.

Energy is a resource.

Spend it where it can grow.

How to Feel Better About Your Choices and Avoid Regret

Posted on January 14, 2026

How to Feel Better About Your Choices: how to avoid regret and live a more content and balanced life

Most of us aren’t hard on ourselves because we don’t care — it’s usually the opposite. We care deeply, and when we don’t show up the way we hoped, it sticks with us. We replay moments, second-guess ourselves, and wonder how we could’ve handled things differently.

That discomfort doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It usually means your values were involved.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a helpful way to think about this — one that doesn’t require perfection or pretending the past didn’t happen.

Feeling at Peace and Avoiding Regret Isn’t About Getting Everything Right

ACT reminds us that feeling okay about our actions doesn’t come from never messing up. It comes from living in a way that lines up with what matters to us.

Values aren’t goals you complete.
They’re directions you return to.

You don’t lose your values because you had a rough moment or made a choice you wouldn’t repeat. You just notice — and keep going.

When Things Don’t Go How You Meant Them To

We all have moments where we:

react instead of pause
say something we wish we’d worded differently
avoid a conversation that matters
freeze or shut down
push when we’re already overwhelmed

That’s not failure — that’s being human.

ACT doesn’t ask you to beat yourself up for those moments. It asks you to acknowledge them without piling on shame, so you can choose what comes next.

The Only Question That Really Matters

Instead of getting stuck in:
“Why did I do that?”
or
“How do I undo this?” or “Will I regret this?”

Try asking:
“What would it look like to respond in a way that fits my values from here?”

That might mean:

reaching out to repair
naming a boundary
choosing honesty over comfort
slowing down
offering yourself grace and trying again

Small choices still count.

How Regret Softens Over Time and Avoid Future Regret

You don’t build self-trust and avoid regret by never messing up. You build it by knowing that when things don’t go perfectly, you’ll come back to what matters instead of abandoning yourself.

Each time you choose an action that aligns with your values — especially after a hard moment — regret loosens its grip.

You’re not defined by one choice.
You’re shaped by the direction you keep choosing.

A Gentle Close

If something didn’t go the way you wanted, let the next moment reflect who you want to be.

That’s enough.
And it matters more than getting it “right.”

At frey & associates: , we identify what therapeutic modality will work for you and your needs. One evidence based models we use is Acceptance and Commitment (ACT) therapy. This article outlines some of those basic principles. You can find out more about ACT here, and connect with us to get support.

One Drawer Is Enough: Why Small Tasks Actually Work

Posted on January 7, 2026

When we feel stuck, we often tell ourselves we need motivation, discipline, or a better system. In reality, we usually need less pressure and more containment.

Small tasks work because they:

Lower overwhelm
Increase follow-through
Create a sense of completion
Help the nervous system feel capable again

Cleaning one drawer isn’t about organization. Sending one email isn’t about productivity. These actions gently remind your brain: I can do hard things in manageable pieces.

You don’t need to earn rest by doing more.
You don’t need to finish everything you start.

One small task is not avoidance—it’s nervous system regulation.

Nervous system regulation is the ability to help your body return to a calmer, steadier state after stress.
It’s what allows you to feel safe enough to think clearly, make decisions, rest, and respond instead of react.

When your nervous system is regulated, your body isn’t stuck in fight, flight, or shutdown. You may still have stress—but it feels more manageable.

Regulation isn’t about being calm all the time.
It’s about being able to come back to yourself after things get hard.

When we support nervous system regulation, everything else becomes more possible. One drawer is enough.

Coping Through the Holidays: Gentle Strategies for a Complicated Season

Posted on December 17, 2025December 17, 2025

Coping Through the Holidays: Gentle Strategies for a Complicated Season

The holidays are often described as joyful, magical, and full of connection. And for many people, they also bring grief, stress, loneliness, family tension, financial pressure, or emotional overload. If the holidays feel hard for you, you are not doing them “wrong.” You are human.

As clinicians, we see every year how this season can amplify what already exists—both the good and the painful. The goal of coping through the holidays isn’t to force gratitude or happiness. It’s to move through this time with as much care, self-compassion, and intention as possible.

1. Release the Myth of “How It’s Supposed to Feel”

There is no universal holiday experience. Some people feel joy and connection. Others feel sadness, numbness, or grief. Many feel a mix of all of it at once. Try to notice when you’re comparing your internal experience to an external expectation—and gently let that comparison go.

You are allowed to have your own version of the holidays.

2. Set Boundaries Without Over-Explaining

Boundaries are not punishments; they are acts of self-respect. You may need to:

Limit time at gatherings
Skip certain traditions
Say no to conversations that feel unsafe or invasive

You do not owe long explanations for protecting your emotional well-being. A simple “That doesn’t work for me this year” is enough.

3. Plan for Emotional Hot Spots

If you know certain moments are harder—specific people, days, or memories—plan ahead. This might mean:

Having an exit plan
Scheduling something grounding afterward
Checking in with a supportive person
Giving yourself permission to leave early

Preparation can reduce the intensity of emotional overwhelm.

4. Allow Grief to Coexist With the Season

Grief doesn’t pause for holidays. It may even feel louder during them. If you’re grieving a person, a relationship, health, financial stability, or a version of life you expected—acknowledge it.

You can honor what’s missing while still engaging in what feels tolerable or meaningful. There is room for both.

5. Choose One Thing That Feels Regulating

Instead of trying to “get through everything,” choose one grounding anchor each day:

A walk
A familiar show
Journaling
Creating something
Quiet time before or after gatherings

Small, consistent regulation matters more than big, forced joy.

6. Remember: Coping Is Not Failing

Needing support, rest, or extra care during the holidays is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of awareness. Therapy, connection, and self-reflection are tools—not evidence that something is wrong with you.

You are allowed to move through this season at your own pace.

A Gentle Reminder

If the holidays feel heavy, you are not alone—and you don’t have to carry it all quietly. Support exists, and you deserve care that meets you where you are, without judgment.

However this season looks for you, may you treat yourself with the same compassion you so easily offer others.

What Therapists Really Think of Their Clients

Posted on October 1, 2025October 1, 2025

What Therapists Really Think of Their Clients

It’s such a human question- what therapists really think of their clients. Many of us carry the fear of being judged, of being “too much,” or not “enough.” Therapy can stir up those same worries: What if I share this part of myself and my therapist thinks less of me?

But here’s the truth: therapy is rooted in unconditional positive regard. That’s a way of saying—you don’t have to earn my respect or my care. You already have it.

That doesn’t mean that we’ll avoid hard conversations. It means that no matter what, you are seen as a whole person—cared for, respected, worthy, valuable, and capable of growth.

So if you’ve ever wondered what your therapist really thinks of you, know this:
We notice your strengths even when you can’t.
We sit with your pain without pulling away.
We believe in your potential, even when you doubt it.

We are never judging you.

Therapy isn’t about judgment. It’s about presence, respect, and the simple but powerful truth that you matter.

exercises for calming the nervous system

Posted on June 25, 2025

Exercises for calming the nervous system are important because they helps the body shift out of survival mode and into a state of balance and healing. Here’s why that matters:

1. Reduces Stress and Anxiety

When you’re constantly in “fight or flight” (sympathetic nervous system), your body is flooded with stress hormones like cortisol. Calming the nervous system activates the “rest and digest” mode (parasympathetic nervous system), which lowers these hormones and helps you feel more at ease.

2. Improves Sleep

A calm nervous system allows your body and mind to relax enough to fall asleep and stay asleep, improving both the quality and quantity of your rest.

3. Supports Emotional Regulation

When the nervous system is regulated, you’re better able to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively. This helps with mood stability, focus, and relationships.

4. Enhances Physical Health

Chronic stress can contribute to inflammation, high blood pressure, digestive problems, and a weakened immune system. Calming the nervous system helps prevent or reduce these physical health issues.

5. Encourages Healing and Recovery

Your body needs a calm state to repair itself—whether it’s healing from an illness, injury, or emotional stress. A regulated nervous system creates the right conditions for recovery.

In short, a calm nervous system is the foundation for mental clarity, emotional resilience, physical health, and overall well-being.

Here’s a simple at-home breathing exercise to help with calming your system:

1. Find a Comfortable Position
Sit or lie down in a quiet space. Close your eyes if you feel comfortable.

2. Ground Yourself
Gently place one hand on your chest and the other on your belly.

3. Inhale Slowly
Breathe in through your nose for a count of 4, feeling your belly rise.

4. Hold
Hold your breath for a count of 4 (don’t strain—just a gentle pause).

5. Exhale Slowly
Breathe out through your mouth for a count of 6, letting your body soften.

6. Repeat
Continue this cycle for 3–5 minutes, or as long as feels good. Focus on the rhythm of your breath and the feeling of calm spreading through your body.

You can do this anytime—before bed, during a break, or whenever you need to reset. Additional information and exercises can be found here.

mindful moment

Posted on April 16, 2025

Spring is a gentle reminder that no matter how long the winter, everything eventually always blooms with the light.

Spring arrives not just in the blossoms on trees or the warmth in the breeze, but in the quiet courage it takes to begin again. After every season of stillness, nature shows us how to rise—gently, boldly, and in full color. Let this be the season you stretch toward the sun, plant new dreams, and believe in your own blooming.

mindful moment

Posted on March 8, 2025

Things Get Better: The Power of Resilience

Life has a way of throwing challenges at us—some expected, some completely out of the blue. When you’re in the middle of a tough time, it can feel like things will never improve. However, nothing stays the same forever. Just like the seasons change, so do our struggles.

Resilience isn’t about never feeling pain; it’s about learning to cope with it. It’s about reminding yourself that you’ve survived difficult moments before and that you have the strength to do it again.

No matter how hard things feel right now, they won’t always be this way. The weight will get lighter, the storm will pass, and you’ll come out stronger on the other side. Hold on, take it one step at a time, and trust that better days are ahead. You are stronger than you know.

coping with winter blues

Posted on January 29, 2025

Coping with Seasonal Affective Disorder: Understanding and Overcoming the Winter Blues

As the days grow shorter and temperatures drop, many people find themselves experiencing changes in mood, energy levels, and motivation. This could be more than just a case of the “winter blues”—it might be Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Understanding what SAD is and how to cope with it can make a significant difference in maintaining mental well-being during the colder months.

What is Seasonal Affective Disorder?

Seasonal Affective Disorder is a type of depression that occurs at a specific time of year, most commonly in the fall and winter months when daylight hours are shorter. It is believed to be linked to changes in sunlight exposure, which can affect the body’s internal clock (circadian rhythm) and the production of certain neurotransmitters like serotonin and melatonin.

Symptoms of SAD can vary from mild to severe and may include:

Persistent feelings of sadness or depression
Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed
Fatigue and low energy
Difficulty concentrating
Changes in sleep patterns (oversleeping or insomnia)
Changes in appetite, particularly cravings for carbohydrates
Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness

Ways to Cope with Seasonal Affective Disorder

If you suspect you have SAD, there are several strategies that can help alleviate symptoms and improve your mood during the darker months:

1. Maximize Sunlight Exposure

Natural sunlight can help regulate your body’s internal clock and improve mood. Try to spend time outside during daylight hours, even if it’s just for a short walk. Opening blinds, sitting near windows, or using daylight simulation bulbs can also be helpful.

2. Consider Light Therapy

Light therapy (also known as phototherapy) involves using a specialized light box that mimics natural sunlight. Sitting in front of a light box for about 20–30 minutes each morning can help regulate mood and energy levels. We typically recommend a light of 10,000 LUX and to maintain a distance of roughly 20 inches away from the light. Consult a healthcare professional before starting light therapy to ensure it’s right for you.

3. Stay Active

Regular exercise is a powerful mood booster. Activities such as walking, yoga, and strength training can help increase serotonin levels and reduce feelings of depression. Aim for at least 30 minutes of physical activity most days of the week.

4. Stay Connected

Social isolation can make SAD symptoms worse. Make an effort to stay connected with friends, family, or support groups. Engaging in social activities, even when you don’t feel like it, can help improve mood and prevent feelings of loneliness.

5. Practice Mindfulness and Stress Management

Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, and journaling can help manage stress and anxiety. Engaging in relaxing activities like reading, listening to music, or practicing gratitude can also contribute to emotional well-being.

6. Seek Professional Help When Needed

If SAD symptoms are interfering with daily life, speaking to a therapist or medical professional can provide additional support. Treatment options may include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or medication, such as antidepressants, in more severe cases.

Final Thoughts

Seasonal Affective Disorder can be challenging, but with the right coping strategies, it is possible to manage symptoms and improve overall well-being. By prioritizing self-care, maintaining healthy habits, and seeking support when necessary, you can navigate the winter months with greater ease and resilience. If you or someone you know struggles with SAD, remember that help is available, and brighter days are ahead.

Questions? Want to connect for an appointment? Reach out to us today and see how we can help.

melissa: welcome fall

Posted on September 30, 2024

As the weather transitions into a new seasons, this shift in the environment can create a sense of renewal and transition as the world prepares for a quieter, more introspective season. The changes in nature can subconsciously remind us of the cycles of life, prompting reflection and new beginnings.

After the busy, outward energy of summer, fall often encourages more inward reflection. As the days shorten and the temperatures drop, people naturally slow down, spend more time indoors, and contemplate the year so far. This quieter time fosters introspection, which can lead to setting new goals, reevaluating habits, or starting new routines.

If you’re feeling a period of reflection, transition, and change this fall, therapy can be a good space to process this time. Whether you want to set new goals, explore new skills and tools, or begin a new phase of your life, therapy is a wonderful resource to consider.

Melissa: welcoming spring

Posted on April 10, 2024

Finally, Spring has arrived! Spring, often thought of as as season of renewal, brings fresh air, sun, light, and growth.

In honor of Spring having finally begun in the Midwest, below is a poem by the poet Ava Lemon that so beautifully captures the spirit of the season.

Instructions on Not Giving Up by Ada Limón

More than the fuchsia funnels breaking out
of the crabapple tree, more than the neighbor’s
almost obscene display of cherry limbs shoving
their cotton candy-colored blossoms to the slate
sky of Spring rains, it’s the greening of the trees
that really gets to me. When all the shock of white
and taffy, the world’s baubles and trinkets, leave
the pavement strewn with the confetti of aftermath,
the leaves come. Patient, plodding, a green skin
growing over whatever winter did to us, a return
to the strange idea of continuous living despite
the mess of us, the hurt, the empty. Fine then,
I’ll take it, the tree seems to say, a new slick leaf
unfurling like a fist to an open palm, I’ll take it all.

Melissa: social media breaks

Posted on February 9, 2024

Around the time of a new year, many of us think through how to best consider changes in our behaviors and actions. On many lists of “changes to make” is considering a break or a slowing down of usage of social media. Not sure if that would be for you? A piece from Harvard helps people evaluate when a break from social media might be worth considering:

“Recognizing When You Need a Break

Considering all of the above, you may be ready for a break. Ask yourself the following questions if you think it’s time to reevaluate your relationship with social media:

Do you come away from your interactions on social media feeling inspired, informed, and positive? Or are you drained, saddened, frustrated, overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, angry, or negative?
Do you find yourself on a social media app, yet don’t remember picking up your phone and tapping on the app?
Is the amount of time you’re spending on social media taking away from time you used to spend with friends or family, doing schoolwork, or doing other productive activities?
Are you constantly comparing your life to the lives you see on social media, and think that you could never “catch up”?
Have any friends or family members expressed concern that you’re on social media too much, or that you talk about what you see there too much?
Do you have more activities and relationships in real life, or do you conduct most of your life on social media?
Do you just have a feeling you need to take a break, but aren’t sure how?”

If any of those questions resonate with you, it might be worth reading into the article further here.

Remember: always progress over perfection!

mindful moment

Posted on October 12, 2023October 12, 2023

The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

melissa: meditation and anxiety apps

Posted on August 23, 2023

We often get questions about options for apps that can assist in mindfulness, meditation, and overall anxiety management. To save our clients the leg work, we have a list of resources on this page of our website. I particularly like the app Simple Habit, which has a free version and also an option that allows you to pick a specific stressor or goal paired with a targeted guided meditation. I also like the app Down Dog for free yoga instruction, which can be targeted for the level of yoga and duration of time you’d like to use it for.

With so many options for apps, it can be easy to overlook that there are also a lot of options for mental health and wellness podcasts to listen to as well. We list podcasts this page of our website as well, and there are plenty more that are released and up and coming that can be found, for example, here and here. Lastly, there are additional app reviews and options here and here, should you want to read more! The possibilities are endless- happy listening!

mindful moment

Posted on July 19, 2023

warm summer sun by mark twain

Warm summer sun,
Shine kindly here,
Warm southern wind,
Blow softly here.
Green sod above,
Lie light, lie light.
Good night, dear heart,
Good night, good night.

Telehealth Services

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A Simple Practice This Week

A Gentle Reminder

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When Things Don’t Go How You Meant Them To

The Only Question That Really Matters

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A Gentle Close

Coping Through the Holidays: Gentle Strategies for a Complicated Season

1. Release the Myth of “How It’s Supposed to Feel”

2. Set Boundaries Without Over-Explaining

3. Plan for Emotional Hot Spots

4. Allow Grief to Coexist With the Season

5. Choose One Thing That Feels Regulating

6. Remember: Coping Is Not Failing

A Gentle Reminder

What Therapists Really Think of Their Clients

Exercises for calming the nervous system are important because they helps the body shift out of survival mode and into a state of balance and healing. Here’s why that matters:

1. Reduces Stress and Anxiety

2. Improves Sleep

3. Supports Emotional Regulation

4. Enhances Physical Health

5. Encourages Healing and Recovery

Here’s a simple at-home breathing exercise to help with calming your system: