How to Find Joy Again: Why Small “Glimmers” Matter
When life feels heavy, the suggestion to “focus on the positive” can feel irritating at best—and deeply invalidating at worst.
Sometimes things really are hard. You may be grieving, burned out, overwhelmed by uncertainty, managing a health issue, or simply trying to keep up with the demands of everyday life. Noticing something good does not make those difficulties disappear.
But even during genuinely difficult seasons, there may be brief moments when something feels a little softer. These moments are sometimes called glimmers.
What Are Glimmers?
Glimmers are small experiences that bring a momentary sense of comfort, connection, pleasure, or ease. The term was introduced by therapist and author Deb Dana in her work involving the nervous system and trauma.
A glimmer does not have to be an especially meaningful or transformative experience. It might be:
- Hearing a song you love
- Feeling your pet settle beside you
- Stepping outside and noticing the weather has changed
- Laughing unexpectedly
- Taking the first sip of your morning coffee
- Receiving a thoughtful message
- Climbing into a freshly made bed
- Realizing that, for one moment, nothing is being asked of you
Glimmers are not necessarily moments of happiness. Sometimes they are simply moments when you feel slightly more present, connected, interested, or at ease.
Glimmers Are Not Toxic Positivity
Looking for glimmers does not mean ignoring pain, minimizing stress, or insisting that everything happens for a reason.
You can appreciate a beautiful sunset and still be grieving. You can laugh with a friend and still be struggling with depression. You can enjoy ten peaceful minutes and still feel overwhelmed by the rest of your day.
Two things can be true at once: life can be difficult, and something within it can still feel good.
The purpose of noticing glimmers is not to replace uncomfortable emotions with positive ones. It is to make room for a fuller emotional experience—one that includes moments of comfort alongside everything else.
Why Can Small Moments Be Hard to Notice?
During periods of chronic stress, our attention naturally becomes focused on problems, responsibilities, and possible threats. We may move quickly from one task to the next without registering the quieter moments in between.
This is not a personal failure or evidence that you are “too negative.” It may simply mean that your mind and body have been working hard to protect you or keep you functioning.
It is also common to dismiss small positive experiences because they do not seem important enough:
It was only a cup of coffee.
It was just one good conversation.
I only felt better for a few minutes.
But a moment does not have to change your entire day to matter. Sometimes a few minutes of relief are simply a few minutes of relief—and that is worthwhile on its own.
How to Notice More Glimmers
You do not need to turn glimmers into another self-improvement project. In fact, putting pressure on yourself to feel grateful or joyful can make the practice feel artificial.
Instead, try occasionally asking:
- Did anything feel comforting today?
- Was there a moment when I felt more like myself?
- Did anything make me smile, even briefly?
- When did my body feel slightly less tense?
- Did I feel connected to another person, an animal, a place, or an activity?
- Was there anything I wanted to pause and enjoy for another few seconds?
You might also choose one glimmer and stay with it just a little longer. Listen to the rest of the song. Sit in the sunny spot for another minute. Notice how the warm mug feels in your hands. Let yourself enjoy the joke before returning to your responsibilities.
The goal is not to hold onto the experience forever. It is simply to notice that it happened.
When Joy Feels Inaccessible
There may be times when even small moments of pleasure feel difficult to access. Depression, anxiety, trauma, grief, burnout, and prolonged stress can all affect our ability to feel interested, connected, or hopeful.
If looking for glimmers feels impossible, you do not need to try harder or pretend. That difficulty may be meaningful information about how much you have been carrying.
Therapy can offer a place to talk honestly about what feels heavy without being rushed toward gratitude or positivity. Over time, it may also help you reconnect with the parts of life—and yourself—that have felt distant.
At Frey & Associates, our clinicians provide individualized telehealth therapy for children, teens, adults, couples, and families throughout Illinois. We work thoughtfully to match each client with a therapist who fits their needs, personality, and goals.
You do not need to feel hopeful before asking for support. Sometimes hope begins as something much smaller: a pause, a connection, or the faintest glimmer that things could feel different.
frey & associates: Offering virtual mental health therapy and counseling across Illinois. Specializing in anxiety, depression, couples counseling, and relationship and health-focused therapy. Virtual therapy offers convenient, accessible mental health support from the comfort of your own space. Our approach is engaging, active, and solution-focused to help clients build lasting change and emotional well-being. Learn more here; book a free consult today.
Copyright © Melissa A. Frey, LCSW 2026. All rights reserved.
