Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers to-day;
And give us not to think so far away
As the uncertain harvest; keep us here
All simply in the springing of the year.
-Robert Frost
Tag: marriage therapy
mindful moment
The only journey is the one within…
And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been.
-Rainer Maria Rilke
all of us: with gratitude
As this year comes to a close, we are wishing everyone a quiet and restful transition into the new year. We are so honored accompany our clients on their journeys of growth, healing, and wellness. We look forward to continue working with our current clients and welcoming new clients in the upcoming new year.
From all of us at Frey and Associates,
Happy New Year!
Copyright © Melissa A. Frey, LCSW 2022. All rights reserved.
mindful moment
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting — over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
– Mary Oliver
melissa: seasonal symptoms
melissa: autumn changes
If you’re like many others, fall often feels like a time of change. The weather becomes cooler, and the days feel shorter. For some, this is a cozy time of reflection; for others, this is a time of an onset of mood symptoms. Whichever camp you are in (or perhaps both), part of embracing the change of seasons is embracing the inevitability of change. Taking care of ourselves can be a bit more challenging when it’s cooler and there are less sunny days. I encourage clients to find one or two simple joys in their daily activities and ensure they get to these joys as though they are on your “to do” list. Sometimes these joys shift as the seasons shift, so ensuring you still have a few “go to” joys is essential. Looking for some ideas? Here are 75 simple joy examples to help get you started.
Wanting to think through fall feels more? You can read more here.
Loving fall and want to know why? You can read more here.
“Is not this a true autumn day? Just the still melancholy that I love—that makes life and nature harmonize.” -George Eliot
Copyright ©Melissa A. Frey, LCSW 2022. All rights reserved.
mindful moment
Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
―
melissa: welcome autumn
September Midnight
Lyric night of the lingering Indian summer, Shadowy fields that are scentless but full of singing, Never a bird, but the passionless chant of insects, Ceaseless, insistent.
The grasshopper’s horn, and far-off, high in the maples, The wheel of a locust leisurely grinding the silence Under a moon waning and worn, broken, Tired with summer.
Let me remember you, voices of little insects, Weeds in the moonlight, fields that are tangled with asters, Let me remember, soon will the winter be on us, Snow-hushed and heavy.
Over my soul murmur your mute benediction, While I gaze, O fields that rest after harvest, As those who part look long in the eyes they lean to, Lest they forget them.
– Sara Teasdale
melissa: what we’re reading
Therapists are almost always reading some sort of therapy book (in the background of their fiction pile), in my experience. We often are asked about books for specific subjects and love offering recommendations, so always ask if you’ve got a topic in mind.
In the meantime, here are some of the books our clinicians are reading now:
All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks
A very accessible book about every facet of love, including a working definition of the action of giving and receiving love.
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
The cult following/classic about how the brain, mind, and body are connected in the framework of trauma.
Attached. by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Another very accessible book about attachment styles; extremely helpful to understanding one’s own attachment style, independent of any relationship status.
Copyright © Melissa A. Frey, LCSW 2022. All rights reserved.
mindful moment
Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.
– Mary Anne Radmacher
mindful moment
Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.
-Elizabeth Edwards
melissa: musing on resilience
Keep Going – Edgar Guest
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must—but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow—
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out—
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit—
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.
mindful moment
Dance, when you’re broken open.
Dance, if you’ve torn the bandage off.
Dance in the middle of the fighting.
Dance when you’re perfectly free.
…Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.
-Rumi
melissa: kintsugi + wabi sabi
During times that feel (and are) particularly challenging, as has often been the case in the past couple of years, we may be left wondering how to continue to find hope and healing. One thought that comes to mind is the Japanese concept of kintsugi. “Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold — built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art.”
In the West, the concept of kintsugi is often paired with the phrase wabi sabi. Loosely translated, “wabi” is simplicity, whether elegant or rustic; “sabi” means the beauty of age and wear. While academics have varying definitions of this phrase, they all come back to a generalized concept of embracing that which is flawed, asymmetrical, unfinished, and imperfect. The etiology of these concepts traces back prior to the 14th century, when the phrases began to take a more “positive” feeling of noting the beauty in the imperfect and unfinished. For Richard Powell, “Wabi-sabi nurtures all that is authentic by acknowledging three simple realities: nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect.”[6]
One can do a very deep research dive on kintsugi and wabi sabi and find some beautiful ceramics, theories, research, books, quotes, and more. As many of us tend to do, you can easily start your reading on Wikipedia, and take off from there, should you be so inclined. If you desire no further research or reading, then simply imagine yourself as a ceramic pot with a few cracks and breaks, assembled back together with gold, with light shining through. That unfinished, asymmetrical, lopsided, beautiful piece of art work is you, and it can always be repaired when, inevitably, it has a tiny (or large) crack. That, surely, is an endless source of hope.
Copyright © 2022 Melissa A. Frey, LCSW. All rights reserved.
mindful moment
spring is like a perhaps hand
spring is like a perhaps hand
(which comes carefully
out of Nowhere) arranging
a window, into which people look (while
people stare
arranging and changing placing
carefully there a strange
thing and a known thing here) and
changing everything carefully
spring is like a perhaps
Hand in a window
(carefully to
and fro moving New and
Old things, while
people stare carefully
moving a perhaps
fraction of flower here placing
an inch of air there) and
without breaking anything.
-e.e. cummings
melissa: free mindful apps
One of the questions we are often asked is regarding where to find useful mindfulness resources and apps for meditation and/or anxiety, sleep and mood. Look no further, mindful.org has compiled a list of free apps to consider and their descriptions. A list of those free mindful and meditation apps can be found here. Interested in books or journals? We’ve got our list here. If you’re looking for additional resources that are not listed here, let us know!
“Don’t search for anything except peace. Try to calm the mind. Everything else will come on its own.”
—Baba Hari Das
Copyright ©Melissa A. Frey, LCSW 2022. All rights reserved.
mindful moment
There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life.
There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine.
O traveler, if you are in search of that, don’t look outside, look inside yourself and seek that.
-Rumi
melissa: joyscrolling
Amidst the ongoing stressful, often very sad news, and overall state of the world, it can be very challenging to find joy in the news. While it can be critically important not to bury our heads in the sand and ignore the world around us, it’s also crucial to find some small semblance of balance in our worlds. One writer describes the concept of joy scrolling versus doom scrolling. Want to know more? You can read the article here. One of my personal favorites is UpWorthy, which finds and shares “the best of humanity daily” via their website and social media.
“Life is a series of painful or joyful moments, which follow each other in an endless cycle. Whenever pain comes near us, our only salvation is to seek places of beauty, joy, and peace. Wherever there is joy, our souls can heal.” -unknown
Copyright ©Melissa A. Frey, LCSW 2022. All rights reserved.
mindful moment
My eyes already touch the sunny hill.
going far beyond the road I have begun,
So we are grasped by what we cannot grasp;
it has an inner light, even from a distance-
and changes us, even if we do not reach it,
into something else, which, hardly sensing it,
we already are; a gesture waves us on
answering our own wave…
but what we feel is the wind in our faces.
-Rainer Marie Rilke, “A Walk”
melissa: kind of coping
As 2022 marches on, I think we are all finding ourselves in the category of “kind of coping.” We are looking for moments of peace, purpose, hope, and happiness and are managing to find it in small ways, in every day moments. The New York Times has a good piece on How to Improve Your Mental Health in 2022, which you can access here. While there is no “one size fits all” bit of advice, there’s always something to point you in the right direction. The article outlines some tips on how to cope, and, dare I say, improve your mental health during even the toughest of times.
Copyright © Melissa A. Frey, LCSW 2022. All rights reserved.
The blossom will always grow.
The seasons will always change.
People come and go,
Their shadows comforting and strange.
The flowers will always bloom
Once the darkness subsides.
When every corner is filled with gloom,
Remember the sun just hides.
Brighter days will follow.
Earth will keep moving.
Look for the brighter color.
Help lift the darkness looming.
-Jessica Bryan