marriage therapy Archives - Melissa A. Frey, LCSW

melissa: meditation and anxiety apps

Posted on August 23, 2023

We often get questions about options for apps that can assist in mindfulness, meditation, and overall anxiety management. To save our clients the leg work, we have a list of resources on this page of our website. I particularly like the app Simple Habit, which has a free version and also an option that allows you to pick a specific stressor or goal paired with a targeted guided meditation. I also like the app Down Dog for free yoga instruction, which can be targeted for the level of yoga and duration of time you’d like to use it for.

With so many options for apps, it can be easy to overlook that there are also a lot of options for mental health and wellness podcasts to listen to as well. We list podcasts this page of our website as well, and there are plenty more that are released and up and coming that can be found, for example, here and here. Lastly, there are additional app reviews and options here and here, should you want to read more! The possibilities are endless- happy listening!

melissa: boundary setting

Posted on May 25, 2023May 26, 2023

Boundary setting is one topic that comes up frequently in our lives and in therapy. Boundary setting, for most people, is a learned skill. Some people seem to learn that skill earlier in life, while others learn it later in life. How would one know if they needed to work on setting stronger boundaries for themselves? Well, one place to start is to ask yourself if you feel:

1) Guilty or anxious for saying no to requests

2) Resentful or upset that you feel you’re often doing a lot for others

3) Taking less time than you’d prefer to take care of yourself and are more focused on taking care of others (there are certainly many life circumstances that can make this one particularly difficult, ex. parenting, caregiving, etc)

If you can relate to any of the above statements, it might be worth considering (or reconsidering) how to best set boundaries in your life. Boundary setting, for many people, is a lifelong journey and is a muscle that gets stronger over time. Want to learn about how to set boundaries, with specific skills? You can read more here. There’s also a Harvard Business Review article here to help guide you further. Want additional support? Give us a call, send us a text, or send us an email.

“The only people who get upset when you start setting boundaries are the ones who benefited from you not having them.”

mindful moment

Posted on April 20, 2023

Spring is like a perhaps hand by E. E. Cummings

Spring is like a perhaps hand
(which comes carefully
out of Nowhere) arranging
a window,into which people look(while
people stare
arranging and changing placing
carefully there a strange
thing and a known thing here) and

changing everything carefully

melissa: podcasts about mental health

Posted on March 29, 2023

Looking for a new podcast? There are a lot of excellent mental health resources and podcasts, and it can be overwhelming to know where you might want to start. I’ve compiled a list of the mental health podcasts that tend to be cross listed on the top reviewed lists. If you want to look at the “top mental health podcasts” lists yourself, I’ve included some links below of four different resources. In the meantime, here are some of the top reviewed, chart topping podcasts:

Top mental health podcasts are listed, reviewed, and with talking points/pros/cons, in the articles here, here, here, and here.

Happy listening!

mindful moment

Posted on February 22, 2023

Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers to-day;
And give us not to think so far away
As the uncertain harvest; keep us here
All simply in the springing of the year.

-Robert Frost

mindful moment

Posted on January 5, 2023

The only journey is the one within…

And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been.

-Rainer Maria Rilke

all of us: with gratitude

Posted on December 29, 2022January 5, 2023

As this year comes to a close, we are wishing everyone a quiet and restful transition into the new year. We are so honored accompany our clients on their journeys of growth, healing, and wellness. We look forward to continue working with our current clients and welcoming new clients in the upcoming new year.

From all of us at Frey and Associates,

Happy New Year!

mindful moment

Posted on December 8, 2022

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting — over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

– Mary Oliver

melissa: seasonal symptoms

Posted on October 26, 2022October 26, 2022

“Spring passes and one remembers one’s innocence. Summer passes and one remembers one’s exuberance. Autumn passes and one remembers one’s reverence. Winter passes and one remembers one’s perseverance.” -Yoko Ono

As the weather cools down, many people begin to experience changes in their mental health. While some people embrace the cold, soon to be snowy days, others find themselves feeling more down and generally less energetic and motivated.

No matter what camp you find yourself in, the long winter days can be hard for us all and fall is the time to prepare for the upcoming seasonal changes. One place to start is by beginning to develop your winter routine: scheduled movement, a standing sleep/wake cycle, and sun exposure (whenever possible). Talking with your therapist, family, and friends can also help keep you anchored in managing these changes and to maintain a self care plan. Know that countless people find seasonal changes to be challenging for a variety of reasons and that there are always ways to develop a plan that works specifically for you.

Want a better understanding of how seasonal changes impact our mental health and ideas for coping? You can read more here, here and here.

melissa: autumn changes

Posted on September 22, 2022

If you’re like many others, fall often feels like a time of change. The weather becomes cooler, and the days feel shorter. For some, this is a cozy time of reflection; for others, this is a time of an onset of mood symptoms. Whichever camp you are in (or perhaps both), part of embracing the change of seasons is embracing the inevitability of change. Taking care of ourselves can be a bit more challenging when it’s cooler and there are less sunny days. I encourage clients to find one or two simple joys in their daily activities and ensure they get to these joys as though they are on your “to do” list. Sometimes these joys shift as the seasons shift, so ensuring you still have a few “go to” joys is essential. Looking for some ideas? Here are 75 simple joy examples to help get you started.

Wanting to think through fall feels more? You can read more here.

Loving fall and want to know why? You can read more here.

“Is not this a true autumn day? Just the still melancholy that I love—that makes life and nature harmonize.” -George Eliot

mindful moment

Posted on September 7, 2022September 7, 2022

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
― Rainer Maria Rilke

melissa: welcome autumn

Posted on August 31, 2022

September Midnight

Lyric night of the lingering Indian summer, Shadowy fields that are scentless but full of singing, Never a bird, but the passionless chant of insects, Ceaseless, insistent.

The grasshopper’s horn, and far-off, high in the maples, The wheel of a locust leisurely grinding the silence Under a moon waning and worn, broken, Tired with summer.

Let me remember you, voices of little insects, Weeds in the moonlight, fields that are tangled with asters, Let me remember, soon will the winter be on us, Snow-hushed and heavy.

Over my soul murmur your mute benediction, While I gaze, O fields that rest after harvest, As those who part look long in the eyes they lean to, Lest they forget them.

– Sara Teasdale

melissa: what we’re reading

Posted on August 10, 2022

Therapists are almost always reading some sort of therapy book (in the background of their fiction pile), in my experience. We often are asked about books for specific subjects and love offering recommendations, so always ask if you’ve got a topic in mind.

In the meantime, here are some of the books our clinicians are reading now:

All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks

A very accessible book about every facet of love, including a working definition of the action of giving and receiving love.

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

The cult following/classic about how the brain, mind, and body are connected in the framework of trauma.

Attached. by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

Another very accessible book about attachment styles; extremely helpful to understanding one’s own attachment style, independent of any relationship status.

mindful moment

Posted on July 17, 2022July 17, 2022

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.

– Mary Anne Radmacher

mindful moment

Posted on June 23, 2022

Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.

-Elizabeth Edwards

melissa: musing on resilience

Posted on June 15, 2022

Keep Going – Edgar Guest

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must—but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow—
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out—
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit—
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

mindful moment

Posted on June 2, 2022June 2, 2022

Dance, when you’re broken open.

Dance, if you’ve torn the bandage off.

Dance in the middle of the fighting.

Dance when you’re perfectly free.

…Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.

-Rumi

melissa: kintsugi + wabi sabi

Posted on May 26, 2022May 26, 2022

During times that feel (and are) particularly challenging, as has often been the case in the past couple of years, we may be left wondering how to continue to find hope and healing. One thought that comes to mind is the Japanese concept of kintsugi. “Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold — built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art.”

In the West, the concept of kintsugi is often paired with the phrase wabi sabi. Loosely translated, “wabi” is simplicity, whether elegant or rustic; “sabi” means the beauty of age and wear. While academics have varying definitions of this phrase, they all come back to a generalized concept of embracing that which is flawed, asymmetrical, unfinished, and imperfect. The etiology of these concepts traces back prior to the 14th century, when the phrases began to take a more “positive” feeling of noting the beauty in the imperfect and unfinished. For Richard Powell, “Wabi-sabi nurtures all that is authentic by acknowledging three simple realities: nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect.”^[6]

One can do a very deep research dive on kintsugi and wabi sabi and find some beautiful ceramics, theories, research, books, quotes, and more. As many of us tend to do, you can easily start your reading on Wikipedia, and take off from there, should you be so inclined. If you desire no further research or reading, then simply imagine yourself as a ceramic pot with a few cracks and breaks, assembled back together with gold, with light shining through. That unfinished, asymmetrical, lopsided, beautiful piece of art work is you, and it can always be repaired when, inevitably, it has a tiny (or large) crack. That, surely, is an endless source of hope.

mindful moment

Posted on May 11, 2022

spring is like a perhaps hand

spring is like a perhaps hand
(which comes carefully
out of Nowhere) arranging
a window, into which people look (while
people stare
arranging and changing placing
carefully there a strange
thing and a known thing here) and

changing everything carefully

spring is like a perhaps
Hand in a window
(carefully to
and fro moving New and
Old things, while
people stare carefully
moving a perhaps
fraction of flower here placing
an inch of air there) and

without breaking anything.

-e.e. cummings

melissa: free mindful apps

Posted on May 5, 2022

One of the questions we are often asked is regarding where to find useful mindfulness resources and apps for meditation and/or anxiety, sleep and mood. Look no further, mindful.org has compiled a list of free apps to consider and their descriptions. A list of those free mindful and meditation apps can be found here. Interested in books or journals? We’ve got our list here. If you’re looking for additional resources that are not listed here, let us know!

“Don’t search for anything except peace. Try to calm the mind. Everything else will come on its own.”

—Baba Hari Das

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Tag: marriage therapy

melissa: meditation and anxiety apps

melissa: boundary setting

mindful moment

melissa: podcasts about mental health

mindful moment

mindful moment

all of us: with gratitude

mindful moment

melissa: seasonal symptoms

melissa: autumn changes

mindful moment

melissa: welcome autumn

melissa: what we’re reading

mindful moment

mindful moment

melissa: musing on resilience

mindful moment

melissa: kintsugi + wabi sabi

mindful moment

melissa: free mindful apps