cognitive behavior therapy Archives - Melissa A. Frey, LCSW

all about therapy: who does it help and when to reach out

Posted on April 22, 2026April 22, 2026

Many people wonder if therapy is right for them, if they will find it helpful, or when the “right” time is to reach out. These are some common questions people have when considering reaching out for a consultation or booking an appointment. Therapy can benefit everyone. Whether you’re facing specific challenges or simply want to grow, reflect, or improve your well-being, counseling provides a supportive space to understand yourself, build resilience, and live more intentionally. You don’t need to be in crisis to deserve support.

People go to therapy for many reasons, including:

Managing mental health concerns like anxiety, depression, or trauma
Navigating life transitions such as divorce, loss, or career changes
Improving relationships with partners, family, or coworkers
Coping with stress, burnout, or overwhelm
Understanding themselves better and building self-esteem
Processing grief or past experiences
Learning healthy coping strategies and emotional regulation

How does therapy help?
Therapy helps by providing a safe, supportive space to explore your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with a trained professional. It can help you gain clarity, manage emotions, build coping skills, improve relationships, and heal from past experiences. Through personalized strategies and insight, counseling empowers you to make meaningful, lasting changes in your life.

When is a good time to reach out?
A good time to reach out is anytime you feel stuck, overwhelmed, curious about personal growth, or simply want support. You don’t need to wait for a crisis—starting therapy when things feel manageable can help you build tools and insight before challenges grow. The best time is when you’re ready to invest in your mental and emotional well-being.

frey & associates: Offering virtual mental health therapy and counseling across Illinois. Specializing in anxiety, depression, couples counseling, and relationship and health-focused therapy. Virtual therapy offers convenient, accessible mental health support from the comfort of your own space. Our approach is engaging, active, and solution-focused to help clients build lasting change and emotional well-being. Learn more here; book a free consult today.

Winter and the Nervous System

Posted on January 21, 2026

Winter and the Nervous System

Cold, darkness, and shorter days all affect the nervous system. Many people experience increased fatigue, low mood, or a desire to withdraw—not because they’re doing something wrong, but because the body is conserving energy.

Winter often asks for:

more rest
fewer commitments
simpler routines
extra regulation and comfort

Meeting those needs isn’t giving up. It’s responding with care.

You Don’t Need to “Optimize” This Season

There’s pressure to make winter productive—to set goals, reinvent routines, or power through until spring. But growth doesn’t always look active. Sometimes it looks like maintenance, containment, and tending to what already exists.

This might be a season of:

doing fewer things, more intentionally
letting “good enough” be enough
choosing warmth, familiarity, and predictability
lowering expectations without lowering self-respect

A Closing Thought

You don’t need to rush yourself out of this season. Winter will move on in its own time. Until then, you’re allowed to move more slowly, take up less space, and tend gently to yourself.

Coping Through the Holidays: Gentle Strategies for a Complicated Season

Posted on December 17, 2025December 17, 2025

Coping Through the Holidays: Gentle Strategies for a Complicated Season

The holidays are often described as joyful, magical, and full of connection. And for many people, they also bring grief, stress, loneliness, family tension, financial pressure, or emotional overload. If the holidays feel hard for you, you are not doing them “wrong.” You are human.

As clinicians, we see every year how this season can amplify what already exists—both the good and the painful. The goal of coping through the holidays isn’t to force gratitude or happiness. It’s to move through this time with as much care, self-compassion, and intention as possible.

1. Release the Myth of “How It’s Supposed to Feel”

There is no universal holiday experience. Some people feel joy and connection. Others feel sadness, numbness, or grief. Many feel a mix of all of it at once. Try to notice when you’re comparing your internal experience to an external expectation—and gently let that comparison go.

You are allowed to have your own version of the holidays.

2. Set Boundaries Without Over-Explaining

Boundaries are not punishments; they are acts of self-respect. You may need to:

Limit time at gatherings
Skip certain traditions
Say no to conversations that feel unsafe or invasive

You do not owe long explanations for protecting your emotional well-being. A simple “That doesn’t work for me this year” is enough.

3. Plan for Emotional Hot Spots

If you know certain moments are harder—specific people, days, or memories—plan ahead. This might mean:

Having an exit plan
Scheduling something grounding afterward
Checking in with a supportive person
Giving yourself permission to leave early

Preparation can reduce the intensity of emotional overwhelm.

4. Allow Grief to Coexist With the Season

Grief doesn’t pause for holidays. It may even feel louder during them. If you’re grieving a person, a relationship, health, financial stability, or a version of life you expected—acknowledge it.

You can honor what’s missing while still engaging in what feels tolerable or meaningful. There is room for both.

5. Choose One Thing That Feels Regulating

Instead of trying to “get through everything,” choose one grounding anchor each day:

A walk
A familiar show
Journaling
Creating something
Quiet time before or after gatherings

Small, consistent regulation matters more than big, forced joy.

6. Remember: Coping Is Not Failing

Needing support, rest, or extra care during the holidays is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of awareness. Therapy, connection, and self-reflection are tools—not evidence that something is wrong with you.

You are allowed to move through this season at your own pace.

A Gentle Reminder

If the holidays feel heavy, you are not alone—and you don’t have to carry it all quietly. Support exists, and you deserve care that meets you where you are, without judgment.

However this season looks for you, may you treat yourself with the same compassion you so easily offer others.

all about couples therapy: what is it and what to expect

Posted on May 23, 2025May 23, 2025

Couples Therapy: What is it?

Couples go to therapy to improve communication, rebuild trust, resolve conflicts, deepen emotional connection, or navigate life transitions like parenting, infidelity, or separation. Therapy provides a neutral space to explore challenges, understand each other better, and learn healthy ways to support and grow together—whether the goal is to strengthen the relationship or decide the best path forward.

Couples therapy can help partners improve how they talk, listen, and understand each other.

It teaches healthy communication skills like active listening, expressing needs clearly, and managing conflict without blame or defensiveness. With the guidance of a therapist, couples can break negative patterns, build empathy, and create a stronger, more respectful connection.

Couples therapy can also be a form of discernment.

A form of couples therapy designed for partners who are uncertain about the future of their relationship. It helps couples gain clarity and confidence about whether to work on the relationship, move toward separation, or take time to decide. Unlike traditional couples therapy, the goal isn’t to solve relationship issues right away, but to understand each partner’s perspective and make a thoughtful, informed decision.

What to expect from an initial appointment.

In your first couples appointment, the therapist will get to know you both and learn about your relationship history, current concerns, and goals. You’ll each have a chance to share your perspective in a safe, nonjudgmental space. The therapist may ask questions to understand patterns of communication, conflict, and connection. Together, you’ll begin setting goals and exploring how therapy can support your relationship. It’s a time to build trust, clarify expectations, and begin working as a team.

Interested in getting started on your own at home? You can find some initial resources here.

mindful moment

Posted on January 10, 2025

Beneath the snow, the earth still sleeps,

Dreaming of spring’s vibrant green,

Though icy winds may fiercely sweep,

A resilient heart, unseen, is keen.

mindful moment

Posted on October 11, 2024

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.

-Carl Jung

melissa: welcome fall

Posted on September 30, 2024

As the weather transitions into a new seasons, this shift in the environment can create a sense of renewal and transition as the world prepares for a quieter, more introspective season. The changes in nature can subconsciously remind us of the cycles of life, prompting reflection and new beginnings.

After the busy, outward energy of summer, fall often encourages more inward reflection. As the days shorten and the temperatures drop, people naturally slow down, spend more time indoors, and contemplate the year so far. This quieter time fosters introspection, which can lead to setting new goals, reevaluating habits, or starting new routines.

If you’re feeling a period of reflection, transition, and change this fall, therapy can be a good space to process this time. Whether you want to set new goals, explore new skills and tools, or begin a new phase of your life, therapy is a wonderful resource to consider.

Melissa: welcoming spring

Posted on April 10, 2024

Finally, Spring has arrived! Spring, often thought of as as season of renewal, brings fresh air, sun, light, and growth.

In honor of Spring having finally begun in the Midwest, below is a poem by the poet Ava Lemon that so beautifully captures the spirit of the season.

Instructions on Not Giving Up by Ada Limón

More than the fuchsia funnels breaking out
of the crabapple tree, more than the neighbor’s
almost obscene display of cherry limbs shoving
their cotton candy-colored blossoms to the slate
sky of Spring rains, it’s the greening of the trees
that really gets to me. When all the shock of white
and taffy, the world’s baubles and trinkets, leave
the pavement strewn with the confetti of aftermath,
the leaves come. Patient, plodding, a green skin
growing over whatever winter did to us, a return
to the strange idea of continuous living despite
the mess of us, the hurt, the empty. Fine then,
I’ll take it, the tree seems to say, a new slick leaf
unfurling like a fist to an open palm, I’ll take it all.

Melissa: social media breaks

Posted on February 9, 2024

Around the time of a new year, many of us think through how to best consider changes in our behaviors and actions. On many lists of “changes to make” is considering a break or a slowing down of usage of social media. Not sure if that would be for you? A piece from Harvard helps people evaluate when a break from social media might be worth considering:

“Recognizing When You Need a Break

Considering all of the above, you may be ready for a break. Ask yourself the following questions if you think it’s time to reevaluate your relationship with social media:

Do you come away from your interactions on social media feeling inspired, informed, and positive? Or are you drained, saddened, frustrated, overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, angry, or negative?
Do you find yourself on a social media app, yet don’t remember picking up your phone and tapping on the app?
Is the amount of time you’re spending on social media taking away from time you used to spend with friends or family, doing schoolwork, or doing other productive activities?
Are you constantly comparing your life to the lives you see on social media, and think that you could never “catch up”?
Have any friends or family members expressed concern that you’re on social media too much, or that you talk about what you see there too much?
Do you have more activities and relationships in real life, or do you conduct most of your life on social media?
Do you just have a feeling you need to take a break, but aren’t sure how?”

If any of those questions resonate with you, it might be worth reading into the article further here.

Remember: always progress over perfection!

mindful moment

Posted on January 9, 2024January 9, 2024

To the New Year

By W. S. MERWIN

With what stillness at last

you appear in the valley

your first sunlight reaching down

to touch the tips of a few

high leaves that do not stir

as though they had not noticed

and did not know you at all

then the voice of a dove calls

from far away in itself

to the hush of the morning

so this is the sound of you

here and now whether or not

anyone hears it this is

where we have come with our age

our knowledge such as it is

and our hopes such as they are

invisible before us

untouched and still possible

mindful moment

Posted on October 12, 2023October 12, 2023

The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

mindful moment

Posted on July 19, 2023

warm summer sun by mark twain

Warm summer sun,
Shine kindly here,
Warm southern wind,
Blow softly here.
Green sod above,
Lie light, lie light.
Good night, dear heart,
Good night, good night.

mindful moment

Posted on April 20, 2023

Spring is like a perhaps hand by E. E. Cummings

Spring is like a perhaps hand
(which comes carefully
out of Nowhere) arranging
a window,into which people look(while
people stare
arranging and changing placing
carefully there a strange
thing and a known thing here) and

changing everything carefully

melissa: podcasts about mental health

Posted on March 29, 2023

Looking for a new podcast? There are a lot of excellent mental health resources and podcasts, and it can be overwhelming to know where you might want to start. I’ve compiled a list of the mental health podcasts that tend to be cross listed on the top reviewed lists. If you want to look at the “top mental health podcasts” lists yourself, I’ve included some links below of four different resources. In the meantime, here are some of the top reviewed, chart topping podcasts:

Top mental health podcasts are listed, reviewed, and with talking points/pros/cons, in the articles here, here, here, and here.

Happy listening!

mindful moment

Posted on February 22, 2023

Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers to-day;
And give us not to think so far away
As the uncertain harvest; keep us here
All simply in the springing of the year.

-Robert Frost

mindful moment

Posted on January 5, 2023

The only journey is the one within…

And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been.

-Rainer Maria Rilke

mindful moment

Posted on December 8, 2022

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting — over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

– Mary Oliver

melissa: seasonal symptoms

Posted on October 26, 2022October 26, 2022

“Spring passes and one remembers one’s innocence. Summer passes and one remembers one’s exuberance. Autumn passes and one remembers one’s reverence. Winter passes and one remembers one’s perseverance.” -Yoko Ono

As the weather cools down, many people begin to experience changes in their mental health. While some people embrace the cold, soon to be snowy days, others find themselves feeling more down and generally less energetic and motivated.

No matter what camp you find yourself in, the long winter days can be hard for us all and fall is the time to prepare for the upcoming seasonal changes. One place to start is by beginning to develop your winter routine: scheduled movement, a standing sleep/wake cycle, and sun exposure (whenever possible). Talking with your therapist, family, and friends can also help keep you anchored in managing these changes and to maintain a self care plan. Know that countless people find seasonal changes to be challenging for a variety of reasons and that there are always ways to develop a plan that works specifically for you.

Want a better understanding of how seasonal changes impact our mental health and ideas for coping? You can read more here, here and here.

mindful moment

Posted on October 7, 2022

Wild Geese

-Mary Oliver

melissa: welcome autumn

Posted on August 31, 2022

September Midnight

Lyric night of the lingering Indian summer, Shadowy fields that are scentless but full of singing, Never a bird, but the passionless chant of insects, Ceaseless, insistent.

The grasshopper’s horn, and far-off, high in the maples, The wheel of a locust leisurely grinding the silence Under a moon waning and worn, broken, Tired with summer.

Let me remember you, voices of little insects, Weeds in the moonlight, fields that are tangled with asters, Let me remember, soon will the winter be on us, Snow-hushed and heavy.

Over my soul murmur your mute benediction, While I gaze, O fields that rest after harvest, As those who part look long in the eyes they lean to, Lest they forget them.

– Sara Teasdale

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Tag: cognitive behavior therapy

all about therapy: who does it help and when to reach out

Winter and the Nervous System

Winter and the Nervous System

Coping Through the Holidays: Gentle Strategies for a Complicated Season

Coping Through the Holidays: Gentle Strategies for a Complicated Season

1. Release the Myth of “How It’s Supposed to Feel”

2. Set Boundaries Without Over-Explaining

3. Plan for Emotional Hot Spots

4. Allow Grief to Coexist With the Season

5. Choose One Thing That Feels Regulating

6. Remember: Coping Is Not Failing

A Gentle Reminder

all about couples therapy: what is it and what to expect

Couples Therapy: What is it?

mindful moment

mindful moment

melissa: welcome fall

Melissa: welcoming spring

Melissa: social media breaks

mindful moment

mindful moment

mindful moment

mindful moment

melissa: podcasts about mental health

mindful moment

mindful moment

mindful moment

melissa: seasonal symptoms

mindful moment

melissa: welcome autumn