Why Do I Feel Lonely Even When I’m Not Alone?

Posted on August 26, 2026

You have people in your life. You answer texts, attend meetings, take care of your family, and may even have a full social calendar.

So why do you still feel alone?

Loneliness is not always about being physically isolated. Sometimes it is the quieter experience of feeling unseen, unknown, or emotionally separate from the people around you. You may be included in other people’s lives and still feel as though no one fully knows what is happening inside yours.

This kind of loneliness can be difficult to name—especially when, from the outside, it seems like you “should” feel connected.

Loneliness Is About the Quality of Connection

Being around people and feeling connected are not the same thing.

Social loneliness often comes from not having enough interaction or companionship. Emotional loneliness can happen when you have relationships but do not feel safe, understood, or able to be fully yourself within them.

It may sound like:

“I’m always there for everyone, but I don’t know who I would call.”
“People know what I’m doing, but not how I’m actually doing.”
“I have friends, but I still feel like I’m on the outside.”
“I don’t want to burden anyone with what I’m feeling.”
“I’m surrounded by people all day, and somehow I still feel invisible.”

This experience is more common than it may seem. The American Psychological Association’s 2025 Stress in Americasurvey found that about half of U.S. adults reported feeling socially or emotionally disconnected. Loneliness is not evidence that you are unlikable, ungrateful, or doing relationships incorrectly. Often, it is information: some part of you is asking for a different kind of connection.

Why You Might Feel Lonely Around Other People

There is rarely one simple reason. Emotional loneliness can develop through a combination of life circumstances, relationship patterns, and ways of coping that once helped you feel safe.

You are usually the strong one

If others rely on you to manage problems, anticipate needs, or keep things moving, your relationships can begin to feel one-sided. People may care about you deeply while still assuming that you are fine because you are so capable.

Over time, being needed can start to replace being known.

You edit yourself to maintain closeness

You may automatically soften your opinions, hide your needs, or present the version of yourself that feels easiest for others to accept. This can prevent conflict—but it can also leave you feeling lonely because the connection is built around only part of who you are.

Your conversations stay on the surface

Busy lives make it easy for relationships to become mostly logistical: schedules, work updates, errands, children, appointments, and plans. You may talk to someone every day without having a conversation that feels emotionally meaningful.

You have been disappointed before

If vulnerability has previously been dismissed, criticized, shared without your permission, or used against you, emotional distance can become protective. You might want closeness while also feeling uneasy when someone gets too close.

That push and pull is not irrational. It may be your nervous system trying to protect you from repeating an earlier hurt.

Your relationships no longer fit in the same way

Friendships and family relationships can shift after parenthood, illness, grief, caregiving, a move, a career change, or a new stage of life. Sometimes loneliness appears before you have words for how much your needs—or your identity—have changed.

You feel disconnected from yourself

When much of your energy goes toward performing, producing, or caring for others, it can become difficult to recognize what you feel or need. If you are not sure how to access your own inner experience, it may also be hard to share it with someone else.

What Emotional Loneliness Can Look Like

Loneliness does not always look like sadness. It can also appear as:

Irritability or resentment toward people you care about
Feeling emotionally numb or “checked out”
Constant scrolling or staying busy to avoid quiet
Overthinking conversations after they happen
Feeling left out even when you were invited
Pulling away while secretly hoping someone notices
Comparing your relationships to other people’s
Feeling exhausted after social interaction
Wanting connection but repeatedly canceling plans

Sometimes people interpret these reactions as personal flaws. In therapy, they can be explored with more curiosity: What is the feeling trying to communicate? What kind of connection is missing? What makes it difficult to ask for it?

What Can Help?

The answer is not necessarily to meet more people or fill every open space in your calendar. If the problem is a lack of emotional safety or authenticity, more social activity may still leave you feeling alone.

Instead, it may help to begin with small, specific changes.

Name the kind of connection you want

Do you want more companionship, more emotional depth, more consistency, more playfulness, or more mutual support? “I’m lonely” can feel enormous. “I miss having someone I can talk to honestly” gives you a clearer place to begin.

Practice sharing one layer more

Vulnerability does not have to mean disclosing everything at once. It may mean giving a more honest answer when a trusted person asks how you are, expressing a preference instead of saying “whatever works,” or telling someone that you miss them.

Notice where connection already feels easier

Pay attention to the people around whom you feel less guarded, more energized, or more like yourself. Those moments can help you identify what emotional safety feels like for you.

Make room for reciprocal relationships

Healthy relationships are not perfectly balanced every day, but over time there should be space for both people’s experiences. If you are always listening, fixing, or accommodating, experimenting with asking for support can reveal which relationships have room to grow.

Reconnect with yourself

Time alone is not always the cause of loneliness. Intentional solitude—journaling, creating, walking, resting, or simply noticing what you feel—can help you return to relationships with a clearer sense of yourself.

How Therapy Can Help With Loneliness

Therapy offers a place to be honest without needing to protect, reassure, or take care of the other person. It can help you understand patterns that may be keeping you emotionally distant, including people-pleasing, fear of rejection, difficulty trusting, perfectionism, or the belief that your needs are “too much.”

Therapy can also help you:

Identify what meaningful connection looks like for you
Communicate needs and boundaries more directly
Work through past relationship injuries
Recognize relationships that feel mutual and emotionally safe
Build tolerance for the vulnerability that real closeness requires
Develop a stronger relationship with yourself

Feeling lonely does not mean you have failed at relationships. It may mean that the kind of connection you need has changed—or that you are ready to stop disappearing inside the relationships you already have.

Want to learn more? You can read more here.

You Don’t Have to Feel Alone in a Full Room

At Frey & Associates, we provide thoughtful, individualized telehealth therapy for clients throughout Illinois. We take time to understand what you are experiencing and match you with a clinician whose approach fits your needs—not simply the next available appointment.

If you have been feeling disconnected, unseen, or lonely even when surrounded by others, therapy can offer a place to begin understanding why—and what more meaningful connection could look like.

Contact Frey & Associates to schedule a consultation.

frey & associates: Offering virtual mental health therapy and counseling across Illinois. Specializing in anxiety, depression, couples counseling, and relationship and health-focused therapy. Virtual therapy offers convenient, accessible mental health support from the comfort of your own space. Our approach is engaging, active, and solution-focused to help clients build lasting change and emotional well-being. Learn more here; book a free consult today.

Where Is Your Energy Going?

Posted on March 1, 2026

Where Is Your Energy Going?

One of the most overlooked questions in emotional health isn’t “What’s wrong?”
It’s:

Where is my energy going — and what is it giving back?

We all invest energy every day. Attention. Effort. Care. Time. Emotional labor. Problem-solving. Reassurance. Overthinking.

Energy is finite.
And not all investments return something nourishing.

The Return on Emotional Investment

Some relationships, projects, or environments reflect back:

Respect
Curiosity
Support
Accountability
Mutual effort

Even when they’re imperfect, they feel reciprocal.

Others reflect back:

Indifference
Chronic criticism
Confusion
Dismissiveness
One-sided effort
Emotional volatility

You leave feeling drained instead of steadied.

The problem isn’t that something is hard.
The problem is when it’s consistently depleting without replenishing.

Notice the Pattern, Not the Moment

Every relationship has off days. Every project has slow seasons.

But ask yourself:

Is this an occasional imbalance?
Or a consistent one?
When I show up with care, is care returned?
When I communicate, is there space for me?
When I invest energy, does it grow — or disappear?

Patterns matter more than isolated incidents.

You Don’t Have to Argue for Reciprocity

A common trap is trying to convince something to become reciprocal.

Explaining more.
Trying harder.
Giving more.
Being “better.”

But reciprocity isn’t something you negotiate into existence.

It’s either present — or it isn’t.

Redirecting Energy Is Not Bitterness

Choosing to put your focus elsewhere isn’t pettiness.
It’s alignment.

It might mean:

Investing more in people who show up consistently
Focusing on work that energizes rather than depletes
Building routines that stabilize you
Spending less time chasing validation
Letting go of proving yourself

Energy grows where it’s welcomed.

A Simple Practice This Week

Try this:

Make a short list of where your emotional energy is going.

Then ask:

What feels steady?
What feels draining?
What feels neutral but necessary?
What feels chronically depleting?

You don’t need to overhaul your life.
Just shift 5–10% of your energy toward what reflects it back well.

Small reallocations create big shifts over time.

A Gentle Reminder

You are not obligated to keep pouring energy into spaces that consistently return confusion, dismissal, or depletion.

You deserve environments — and relationships — that reflect back care when you offer it.

Energy is a resource.

Spend it where it can grow.

Why Is Narcissism Everywhere Right Now?

Posted on February 11, 2026February 11, 2026

“Narcissist” has become an internet catch-all word. On social media it often means:

Someone selfish
Someone who hurt me
Someone who didn’t take accountability
Someone emotionally unavailable

But clinically, narcissism is more specific than that.

There are three important distinctions people often miss:

Narcissistic traits (very common)
Narcissistic patterns (more pervasive, relationally harmful)
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) (a diagnosable condition)

Most people who get labeled online fall into category #1 or #2 — not NPD.

What Narcissism Actually Is (Clinically)

At its core, narcissism involves:

A fragile sense of self-worth
A strong need for admiration or validation
Difficulty tolerating criticism
Limited empathy (especially when feeling threatened)
A tendency to externalize blame

Underneath the grandiosity is often deep insecurity.

That doesn’t excuse harmful behavior. But it explains why reasoning, logic, or emotional appeals often don’t “land.”

If Someone in Your Life Has Narcissistic Traits

You cannot change their personality structure.
You cannot love someone into self-awareness.
You cannot argue someone into empathy.

So self-care becomes about you, not about fixing them.

Here’s what that can look like:

1. Stop Expecting Emotional Reciprocity

If someone consistently struggles with empathy or accountability, adjust your expectations. Grieving that reality is painful—but stabilizing.

2. Strengthen Boundaries

Clear. Simple. Repeated.

“I’m not discussing this further.”
“That doesn’t work for me.”
“I’ll step away if this continues.”

Boundaries are not about convincing them. They’re about protecting your nervous system.

3. Don’t Over-Explain

Over-explaining is often an attempt to be understood. With someone highly defensive, it usually fuels more argument.

Short. Calm. Neutral.

4. Regulate Yourself First

These dynamics are activating. They can make you question yourself.

Grounding practices matter:

Pause before responding
Take space when needed
Check in with trusted outside perspectives

5. Watch for Gaslighting Effects

If you constantly feel:

confused
self-doubting
“too sensitive”
responsible for everything

That’s information.

Your nervous system keeps receipts even when your brain tries to rationalize.

The Most Important Reframe

The internet hype focuses on diagnosing them.

Healing focuses on stabilizing you.

Whether someone has narcissistic traits or not, you deserve:

Emotional safety
Accountability
Reciprocity
Respect

If those things are chronically absent, the label matters less than the impact.

Why Why Hobbies Are Helpful (And It Has Nothing to Do With Being Productive)

Posted on February 4, 2026

Why Hobbies Are Helpful (And It Has Nothing to Do With Being Productive)

Hobbies are often framed as extras—things we do once everything else is done. But for many people, especially those who are stressed, burned out, or emotionally stretched, hobbies aren’t indulgent. They’re regulating.

A hobby isn’t about mastering a skill or creating something impressive. It’s about giving your nervous system a break from constant demand.

Hobbies Help the Nervous System Settle

When you engage in a hobby, especially one that’s repetitive, creative, or sensory, your nervous system often shifts out of survival mode. Heart rate slows. Breathing steadies. Attention narrows in a way that feels contained rather than overwhelming.

This isn’t accidental. Activities that involve your hands, your senses, or gentle focus signal safety to the body.

You may notice:

less mental noise
a quieter internal pace
more ease returning to your day

That’s regulation—not distraction.

Hobbies Create Moments of Choice

Much of daily life involves obligation. Hobbies are different because they are chosen. That sense of agency matters.

Choosing an activity simply because you want to—without it needing to be useful—helps rebuild a feeling of autonomy that stress and burnout often erode.

Even small moments of choice can restore a sense of control and self-trust.

Hobbies Support Emotional Processing

When emotions feel too big or hard to name, doing something with your body can help them move through more gently.

Creative and physical hobbies often allow feelings to exist without needing to be analyzed or fixed. You don’t have to talk your way through everything for it to shift.

Sometimes, regulation comes first. Insight follows later.

Hobbies Interrupt the “Always On” Cycle

Many people live in a constant state of mental effort—planning, anticipating, problem-solving. Hobbies offer a pause from that.

They give your brain a place to rest its vigilance. Over time, this can reduce emotional exhaustion and increase resilience.

Rest doesn’t only happen through sleep. It also happens through absorption and play.

Hobbies Reconnect You With Yourself

Stress can shrink life down to responsibilities. Hobbies expand it again.

They remind you that you are more than what you produce, manage, or carry for others. Enjoyment, curiosity, and creativity are not rewards for finishing everything else—they are part of being human.

A Gentle Reminder

If hobbies have felt hard to access, that’s not a personal failing. It often means your system has been under strain.

You don’t need to commit, improve, or be consistent.
You just need permission to try.

Even a few minutes of something chosen for pleasure or curiosity can matter more than you think.

Coping Through the Holidays: Gentle Strategies for a Complicated Season

Posted on December 17, 2025December 17, 2025

Coping Through the Holidays: Gentle Strategies for a Complicated Season

The holidays are often described as joyful, magical, and full of connection. And for many people, they also bring grief, stress, loneliness, family tension, financial pressure, or emotional overload. If the holidays feel hard for you, you are not doing them “wrong.” You are human.

As clinicians, we see every year how this season can amplify what already exists—both the good and the painful. The goal of coping through the holidays isn’t to force gratitude or happiness. It’s to move through this time with as much care, self-compassion, and intention as possible.

1. Release the Myth of “How It’s Supposed to Feel”

There is no universal holiday experience. Some people feel joy and connection. Others feel sadness, numbness, or grief. Many feel a mix of all of it at once. Try to notice when you’re comparing your internal experience to an external expectation—and gently let that comparison go.

You are allowed to have your own version of the holidays.

2. Set Boundaries Without Over-Explaining

Boundaries are not punishments; they are acts of self-respect. You may need to:

Limit time at gatherings
Skip certain traditions
Say no to conversations that feel unsafe or invasive

You do not owe long explanations for protecting your emotional well-being. A simple “That doesn’t work for me this year” is enough.

3. Plan for Emotional Hot Spots

If you know certain moments are harder—specific people, days, or memories—plan ahead. This might mean:

Having an exit plan
Scheduling something grounding afterward
Checking in with a supportive person
Giving yourself permission to leave early

Preparation can reduce the intensity of emotional overwhelm.

4. Allow Grief to Coexist With the Season

Grief doesn’t pause for holidays. It may even feel louder during them. If you’re grieving a person, a relationship, health, financial stability, or a version of life you expected—acknowledge it.

You can honor what’s missing while still engaging in what feels tolerable or meaningful. There is room for both.

5. Choose One Thing That Feels Regulating

Instead of trying to “get through everything,” choose one grounding anchor each day:

A walk
A familiar show
Journaling
Creating something
Quiet time before or after gatherings

Small, consistent regulation matters more than big, forced joy.

6. Remember: Coping Is Not Failing

Needing support, rest, or extra care during the holidays is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of awareness. Therapy, connection, and self-reflection are tools—not evidence that something is wrong with you.

You are allowed to move through this season at your own pace.

A Gentle Reminder

If the holidays feel heavy, you are not alone—and you don’t have to carry it all quietly. Support exists, and you deserve care that meets you where you are, without judgment.

However this season looks for you, may you treat yourself with the same compassion you so easily offer others.

fall mental health checklist

Posted on September 4, 2025

Fall Mental Health Checklist 🍂🧡

As the leaves change and the days grow shorter, many of us notice shifts not just in the weather—but in our mood and energy as well. Fall can be a season of cozy routines, but it can also bring challenges like reduced daylight, busier schedules, and holiday stress. A simple seasonal check-in can help you stay grounded.

🍁 Your Fall Mental Health Checklist

Check your light exposure: Shorter days can impact mood. Try to get outside daily or use a light therapy lamp if you notice dips in energy.
Maintain movement: Even a brisk walk among the falling leaves can boost endorphins and ease seasonal stress.
Nourish yourself: Comfort foods are wonderful—just balance them with whole foods that fuel your body and mind.
Stay connected: Schedule time with supportive friends or loved ones. Social connection is protective for mental health.
Set gentle goals: Fall is a natural time for reflection. Try journaling, making a gratitude list, or setting small intentions for the season ahead.
Prepare for holidays early: Planning ahead can help reduce last-minute stress around gatherings, finances, and travel.

🌙 A Gentle Reminder

If you notice persistent low mood, sleep changes, or loss of interest in things you normally enjoy, you may be experiencing seasonal affective symptoms or depression. You don’t have to go through it alone—reach out for professional support if needed.

Fall can be both a season of beauty and vulnerability. Taking time to check in with yourself now is a powerful step toward feeling more balanced and supported through the months ahead.

how therapy helps you return to yourself

Posted on August 29, 2025

How Therapy Helps You Return to Yourself

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s common to feel disconnected from who you truly are. Between family responsibilities, work demands, and the weight of past experiences, many people start to feel lost or unsure of themselves. You might notice that your inner voice feels quieter, or that you’re living more for the expectations of others than for your own values.

Therapy provides a space to pause, reflect, and reconnect. In the safe, supportive environment of counseling, you’re invited to explore your emotions, beliefs, and patterns without judgment. Instead of trying to “fix” yourself, therapy helps you remember what has always been within you—your strengths, your clarity, and your resilience.

Therapy as a Path Back to Self

Self-discovery: Talking with a therapist can reveal values, hopes, and needs you may have overlooked.
Healing old wounds: Past experiences often shape how we see ourselves. Therapy helps untangle those stories so you can carry them differently.
Building confidence: By practicing self-compassion and new coping strategies, you learn to trust your inner wisdom.
Living authentically: Therapy supports you in aligning your choices with what truly matters to you.

Healing doesn’t mean becoming someone new. It means coming home to yourself with more awareness, compassion, and confidence.

all about couples therapy: what is it and what to expect

Posted on May 23, 2025May 23, 2025

Couples Therapy: What is it?

Couples go to therapy to improve communication, rebuild trust, resolve conflicts, deepen emotional connection, or navigate life transitions like parenting, infidelity, or separation. Therapy provides a neutral space to explore challenges, understand each other better, and learn healthy ways to support and grow together—whether the goal is to strengthen the relationship or decide the best path forward.

Couples therapy can help partners improve how they talk, listen, and understand each other.

It teaches healthy communication skills like active listening, expressing needs clearly, and managing conflict without blame or defensiveness. With the guidance of a therapist, couples can break negative patterns, build empathy, and create a stronger, more respectful connection.

Couples therapy can also be a form of discernment.

A form of couples therapy designed for partners who are uncertain about the future of their relationship. It helps couples gain clarity and confidence about whether to work on the relationship, move toward separation, or take time to decide. Unlike traditional couples therapy, the goal isn’t to solve relationship issues right away, but to understand each partner’s perspective and make a thoughtful, informed decision.

What to expect from an initial appointment.

In your first couples appointment, the therapist will get to know you both and learn about your relationship history, current concerns, and goals. You’ll each have a chance to share your perspective in a safe, nonjudgmental space. The therapist may ask questions to understand patterns of communication, conflict, and connection. Together, you’ll begin setting goals and exploring how therapy can support your relationship. It’s a time to build trust, clarify expectations, and begin working as a team.

Interested in getting started on your own at home? You can find some initial resources here.

Coming Home to Yourself: The Power of Alignment

Posted on May 8, 2025

Coming Home to Yourself: The Power of Alignment

In a world constantly pulling us in countless directions—toward expectations, roles, deadlines, and noise—there is something profoundly grounding about aligning with oneself. It’s not about perfection or reaching some enlightened state; it’s about coming home to who you truly are, moment by moment.

What Is Alignment with Self?

Alignment with yourself means that your actions, words, values, and inner truth are in harmony. It’s living in a way where your external life reflects your internal world. When you’re aligned, you feel a sense of flow—not because life is suddenly easy, but because you’re no longer resisting your own nature.

It’s the difference between performing and being. Between striving and allowing.

Alignment doesn’t mean you never feel conflicted, but it does mean you listen to that inner voice instead of silencing it for the sake of fitting in.

Why It Matters

When we’re out of alignment, we tend to feel anxious, restless, or even resentful. We might find ourselves saying yes when we want to say no, chasing goals that don’t actually fulfill us, or staying in places that shrink our spirit. Over time, this disconnect can lead to burnout, confusion, or a sense of living someone else’s life.

But when we realign, clarity returns. Energy flows. Decision-making becomes simpler, not because life itself changes, but because we do. We start moving from a place of authenticity instead of obligation.

How to Reconnect

Here are a few practices that support alignment:

1. Silence the Noise
Take time away from social media, news, and the opinions of others. Stillness creates the space where you can actually hear yourself.

2. Ask Hard Questions
What feels out of sync in my life? What am I doing just to be accepted? Where am I not honoring my truth?

3. Follow the Feeling
Notice what makes you feel light, expansive, and present. These are clues pointing you back toward alignment.

4. Release the Performances
You don’t have to be everything to everyone. You just have to be honest with yourself. Authenticity naturally leads to deeper connections and more peace.

5. Let It Be Ongoing
Alignment isn’t a one-time destination. It’s a lifelong practice of checking in, rebalancing, and adjusting course.

Final Thoughts

Coming into alignment with yourself isn’t always comfortable—it often means making changes, setting boundaries, or walking away from things that no longer serve you. But it’s one of the most liberating, empowering choices you can make.

You don’t have to become anything. You just have to remember who you already are—and live like it matters.

mindful moment

Posted on April 16, 2025

Spring is a gentle reminder that no matter how long the winter, everything eventually always blooms with the light.

Spring arrives not just in the blossoms on trees or the warmth in the breeze, but in the quiet courage it takes to begin again. After every season of stillness, nature shows us how to rise—gently, boldly, and in full color. Let this be the season you stretch toward the sun, plant new dreams, and believe in your own blooming.

spring cleaning: making room for new experiences

Posted on March 26, 2025

Spring Cleaning: Making Room for New Experiences

As the seasons change and the days grow longer, there’s an undeniable urge to refresh our surroundings. Spring cleaning isn’t just about decluttering our homes—it’s about making space for growth, new opportunities, and fresh experiences. Whether it’s clearing out your closet, reorganizing your digital life, or letting go of emotional baggage, the act of cleaning can be incredibly freeing and transformative.

Letting Go of Emotional Clutter

Spring cleaning isn’t just about the tangible—it’s also about clearing out mental and emotional space. Letting go of people pleasing, unrealistic expectations, self-doubt, or whatever goals speak to you this season. Journaling, meditation, talking to a trusted friend, and/or connecting with your therapist can help you process emotions and make way for new, positive experiences. When we release what no longer serves us, we create room for joy, adventure, and personal growth.

Get Started: Reset and Realign

Spring cleaning is more than just a seasonal chore; it’s a powerful way to reset and realign with your goals. By letting go of the old, you open yourself up to the beauty of new possibilities. Refresh your surroundings, and step into a season of renewal and growth; ready to get started, reach out today.

mindful moment

Posted on March 8, 2025

Things Get Better: The Power of Resilience

Life has a way of throwing challenges at us—some expected, some completely out of the blue. When you’re in the middle of a tough time, it can feel like things will never improve. However, nothing stays the same forever. Just like the seasons change, so do our struggles.

Resilience isn’t about never feeling pain; it’s about learning to cope with it. It’s about reminding yourself that you’ve survived difficult moments before and that you have the strength to do it again.

No matter how hard things feel right now, they won’t always be this way. The weight will get lighter, the storm will pass, and you’ll come out stronger on the other side. Hold on, take it one step at a time, and trust that better days are ahead. You are stronger than you know.

as the end of the year approaches…

Posted on December 27, 2024

As the year comes to a close, it’s tempting to get caught up in the rush—finishing projects, planning celebrations, or setting resolutions. But before diving into what’s next, let’s take a moment to pause and end the year with mindfulness. Here’s how you can reflect, recharge, and renew for a meaningful transition into the new year.

Reflect: Look Back with Gratitude and Clarity

Take some time to sit quietly and reflect on the past year. Ask yourself:

What moments brought me joy?
What challenges taught me something valuable?
Who or what am I grateful for?

Recharge: Prioritize Rest and Self-Care

The holiday season can be hectic, so make it a priority to slow down.

Schedule moments of rest—curl up with a good book, take a walk in nature, or meditate.
Nourish your body with healthy meals and stay hydrated.
Say “no” to things that don’t align with your energy or priorities right now.

Recharging isn’t about doing nothing; it’s about giving yourself the space to breathe and reset.

Renew: Set Intentions, Not Resolutions

Instead of rigid resolutions, try setting gentle intentions that focus on how you want to feel or grow. For example:

“I intend to prioritize my mental health by practicing daily mindfulness.”
“I aim to nurture my relationships by being more present.”

These intentions allow room for flexibility and kindness, guiding you into the new year with purpose instead of pressure.

As the end of the year approaches…

The end of the year is not a finish line but a moment to pause and celebrate your journey. You’ve navigated ups and downs, grown in ways you might not even realize, and made it through another year—an accomplishment in itself.

As you close out this chapter, remember to approach yourself with kindness and gratitude. Here’s to a mindful end of the year.

mindful moment

Posted on October 11, 2024

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.

-Carl Jung

melissa: welcome fall

Posted on September 30, 2024

As the weather transitions into a new seasons, this shift in the environment can create a sense of renewal and transition as the world prepares for a quieter, more introspective season. The changes in nature can subconsciously remind us of the cycles of life, prompting reflection and new beginnings.

After the busy, outward energy of summer, fall often encourages more inward reflection. As the days shorten and the temperatures drop, people naturally slow down, spend more time indoors, and contemplate the year so far. This quieter time fosters introspection, which can lead to setting new goals, reevaluating habits, or starting new routines.

If you’re feeling a period of reflection, transition, and change this fall, therapy can be a good space to process this time. Whether you want to set new goals, explore new skills and tools, or begin a new phase of your life, therapy is a wonderful resource to consider.

Melissa: welcoming spring

Posted on April 10, 2024

Finally, Spring has arrived! Spring, often thought of as as season of renewal, brings fresh air, sun, light, and growth.

In honor of Spring having finally begun in the Midwest, below is a poem by the poet Ava Lemon that so beautifully captures the spirit of the season.

Instructions on Not Giving Up by Ada Limón

More than the fuchsia funnels breaking out
of the crabapple tree, more than the neighbor’s
almost obscene display of cherry limbs shoving
their cotton candy-colored blossoms to the slate
sky of Spring rains, it’s the greening of the trees
that really gets to me. When all the shock of white
and taffy, the world’s baubles and trinkets, leave
the pavement strewn with the confetti of aftermath,
the leaves come. Patient, plodding, a green skin
growing over whatever winter did to us, a return
to the strange idea of continuous living despite
the mess of us, the hurt, the empty. Fine then,
I’ll take it, the tree seems to say, a new slick leaf
unfurling like a fist to an open palm, I’ll take it all.

mindful moment

Posted on February 23, 2024

Song of March

by Patricia L. Cisco

With winter’s footprints in the past,
and snows begin to melt at last.

With longer days and shorter nights,
the wayward winds of March take flight.

Four winds she holds within her grip,
then hurls them from her fingertip.

Her woolly, fleecy clouds of white,
she sets in skies of blue delight.

Her wild bouts of gusty breezes
roar through valleys, hills, and trees.

That high pitch whistling song she sings
awakens earth and flowering things.

She tears a hole in heaven’s sky
so sun can shine and rain can cry.

She gently calms as spring draws near,
as blooming daffodils appear.

She welcomes April showers in,
then gathers up her dwindling winds.
Now her long journey home begins,

knowing she’ll be back this way,
upon a cold, late winter’s day,

when nights grow short
and days grow long.

Listen for her whistling song!

Melissa: social media breaks

Posted on February 9, 2024

Around the time of a new year, many of us think through how to best consider changes in our behaviors and actions. On many lists of “changes to make” is considering a break or a slowing down of usage of social media. Not sure if that would be for you? A piece from Harvard helps people evaluate when a break from social media might be worth considering:

“Recognizing When You Need a Break

Considering all of the above, you may be ready for a break. Ask yourself the following questions if you think it’s time to reevaluate your relationship with social media:

Do you come away from your interactions on social media feeling inspired, informed, and positive? Or are you drained, saddened, frustrated, overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, angry, or negative?
Do you find yourself on a social media app, yet don’t remember picking up your phone and tapping on the app?
Is the amount of time you’re spending on social media taking away from time you used to spend with friends or family, doing schoolwork, or doing other productive activities?
Are you constantly comparing your life to the lives you see on social media, and think that you could never “catch up”?
Have any friends or family members expressed concern that you’re on social media too much, or that you talk about what you see there too much?
Do you have more activities and relationships in real life, or do you conduct most of your life on social media?
Do you just have a feeling you need to take a break, but aren’t sure how?”

If any of those questions resonate with you, it might be worth reading into the article further here.

Remember: always progress over perfection!

mindful moment

Posted on January 9, 2024January 9, 2024

To the New Year

By W. S. MERWIN

With what stillness at last

you appear in the valley

your first sunlight reaching down

to touch the tips of a few

high leaves that do not stir

as though they had not noticed

and did not know you at all

then the voice of a dove calls

from far away in itself

to the hush of the morning

so this is the sound of you

here and now whether or not

anyone hears it this is

where we have come with our age

our knowledge such as it is

and our hopes such as they are

invisible before us

untouched and still possible

Michael J. Fox: Parkinson’s Disease and optimism

Posted on November 16, 2023

“Positivity is really sincere and I really feel it, and it’s genuine, but it’s hard fought, and it’s hard won,” Fox expressed.

A recent interview with Michael J. Fox continues to shed light on his ongoing persistence in coping and thriving in his life with Parkinson’s Disease.

You can read more about his journey here.

Telehealth Services

Where Is Your Energy Going?

The Return on Emotional Investment

Notice the Pattern, Not the Moment

You Don’t Have to Argue for Reciprocity

Redirecting Energy Is Not Bitterness

A Simple Practice This Week

A Gentle Reminder

What Narcissism Actually Is (Clinically)

If Someone in Your Life Has Narcissistic Traits

1. Stop Expecting Emotional Reciprocity

2. Strengthen Boundaries

3. Don’t Over-Explain

4. Regulate Yourself First

5. Watch for Gaslighting Effects

The Most Important Reframe

Why Hobbies Are Helpful (And It Has Nothing to Do With Being Productive)

Hobbies Help the Nervous System Settle

Hobbies Create Moments of Choice

Hobbies Support Emotional Processing

Hobbies Interrupt the “Always On” Cycle

Hobbies Reconnect You With Yourself

A Gentle Reminder

Coping Through the Holidays: Gentle Strategies for a Complicated Season

1. Release the Myth of “How It’s Supposed to Feel”

2. Set Boundaries Without Over-Explaining

3. Plan for Emotional Hot Spots

4. Allow Grief to Coexist With the Season

5. Choose One Thing That Feels Regulating

6. Remember: Coping Is Not Failing

A Gentle Reminder

Fall Mental Health Checklist 🍂🧡

🍁 Your Fall Mental Health Checklist

🌙 A Gentle Reminder

How Therapy Helps You Return to Yourself

Therapy as a Path Back to Self

Couples Therapy: What is it?

What Is Alignment with Self?

Why It Matters

How to Reconnect

Final Thoughts

Letting Go of Emotional Clutter

Get Started: Reset and Realign

Reflect: Look Back with Gratitude and Clarity

Recharge: Prioritize Rest and Self-Care

Renew: Set Intentions, Not Resolutions

As the end of the year approaches…