How to Feel Better About Your Choices: how to avoid regret and live a more content and balanced life
Most of us aren’t hard on ourselves because we don’t care — it’s usually the opposite. We care deeply, and when we don’t show up the way we hoped, it sticks with us. We replay moments, second-guess ourselves, and wonder how we could’ve handled things differently.
That discomfort doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It usually means your values were involved.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a helpful way to think about this — one that doesn’t require perfection or pretending the past didn’t happen.
Feeling at Peace and Avoiding Regret Isn’t About Getting Everything Right
ACT reminds us that feeling okay about our actions doesn’t come from never messing up. It comes from living in a way that lines up with what matters to us.
Values aren’t goals you complete.
They’re directions you return to.
You don’t lose your values because you had a rough moment or made a choice you wouldn’t repeat. You just notice — and keep going.
When Things Don’t Go How You Meant Them To
We all have moments where we:
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react instead of pause
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say something we wish we’d worded differently
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avoid a conversation that matters
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freeze or shut down
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push when we’re already overwhelmed
That’s not failure — that’s being human.
ACT doesn’t ask you to beat yourself up for those moments. It asks you to acknowledge them without piling on shame, so you can choose what comes next.
The Only Question That Really Matters
Instead of getting stuck in:
“Why did I do that?”
or
“How do I undo this?” or “Will I regret this?”
Try asking:
“What would it look like to respond in a way that fits my values from here?”
That might mean:
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reaching out to repair
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naming a boundary
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choosing honesty over comfort
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slowing down
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offering yourself grace and trying again
Small choices still count.
How Regret Softens Over Time and Avoid Future Regret
You don’t build self-trust and avoid regret by never messing up. You build it by knowing that when things don’t go perfectly, you’ll come back to what matters instead of abandoning yourself.
Each time you choose an action that aligns with your values — especially after a hard moment — regret loosens its grip.
You’re not defined by one choice.
You’re shaped by the direction you keep choosing.
A Gentle Close
If something didn’t go the way you wanted, let the next moment reflect who you want to be.
That’s enough.
And it matters more than getting it “right.”
At frey & associates: , we identify what therapeutic modality will work for you and your needs. One evidence based models we use is Acceptance and Commitment (ACT) therapy. This article outlines some of those basic principles. You can find out more about ACT here, and connect with us to get support.
frey & associates: Offering virtual mental health therapy and counseling across Illinois. Specializing in anxiety, depression, couples counseling, and relationship and health-focused therapy. Virtual therapy offers convenient, accessible mental health support from the comfort of your own space. Our approach is engaging, active, and solution-focused to help clients build lasting change and emotional well-being. Learn more here; book a free consult today.
Copyright © Melissa A. Frey, LCSW 2026. All rights reserved.